The Theory of Homosexual To Heterosexual Conversion

In light of my recent blog about Donnie McClurkin, I’ve been getting a lot of feedback and the icing on the cake was a [former] friend of mine claiming that she was converting to heterosexuality. First, let me say this before I even go deep into this subject: [WARNING: THIS IS NOT A DISCLAIMER IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM!!!] As I’ve gotten older I have begun to question the existence of homosexuality as gender becomes so fluid. Personally, I’ll answer to any gender terminology as long as it’s respectful. Now, I have female friends who own more masculine identities who sometimes prefer to be acknowledged as such and even when they don’t I tend to do so anyway. Also I have male friends who carry themselves in a more feminine manner and they either prefer to be acknowledged as such or tend to be regardless of their preference. Then there are my transgender friends, some I’ve known since pre-transition and some post transition and I treat them no different because we are all human at the end of the day. Quite frankly, my personal motto is: “Everyone is gay until proven straight!”

        With that being said, I’ll approach this subject as most people do believing that there are alternative “sexual” lifestyles and not acknowledging how gender roles and expressions are up for question… If someone is genuinely homosexual whether it be gay, lesbian, or bisexual they will approach relationships with the gender that they prefer to build romantic relationships with and just like their heterosexual comrades they will court/date them to learn if that person is someone who they can build their life with. Also with that territory comes sexual relations between both consenting adults. Personally, I don’t believe that the act makes anyone “gay” (or even “straight” for that matter) but yet the intent behind it. There are people who experiment with the “lifestyle” this is what the “Q” in LGBTQ originally stood for – “Questioning” but some of us have adapted it to mean “Queer” (I am one of those people). Our “questioning” comrades have been known to be in “the life” build friendships and have relationships within the community and then one day decide for whatever reason that it’s not for them. Some have remained allies but others get so “holier than thou” that they openly discuss their disdain for “us” and our “lifestyle”. First, let me say this – no one “decides” to be ostracized from their communities and families because they love differently, I say love because as hard as it may be to conceptualize for some people it just really isn’t all about the sexual act for us! This is where I will discuss three incidents that are relative to me:

        CASE #1: My first girlfriend (in my adulthood) identifies herself as a straight woman and did so throughout our whole 2yr relationship and continues to do so even though she has tried to re-approach our relationship a number of times. I loved this woman thoroughly and would have spent my life with her but she could not commit to who she is (or was) so therefore even though we discussed it many times it would never come to fruition without her making any moves toward self-commitment. She has also had other relationships with other women but yet and still does not acknowledge her “homosexual” ways openly. Dangerous territory, if you ask me…

        CASE #2: My [former] college friend who had a live in girlfriend when I met her and was screaming rainbows throughout our friendship recently informed me that she was converting to heterosexuality. Now, quite frankly I take no issue with whom people prefer to build their lives with as that has nothing to do with me. It was her “religious” stand point on the issue that bothered me as I had known her for years and she never even mentioned having a relationship with [any] God, on top of the fact that I often spent the night at her house over the weekends so that I could get to my own church easier as it was just around the corner from her place of residence and she never took me up on the offer to join me… While that is neither here nor there at this point it does cause me to question many aspects of our friendship if that was indeed what we genuinely had. I tried to converse with her in order to understand her point of view on the situation but she honestly didn’t make any sense. She had gone through some trials and tribulations with a former partner of mine and fell in love with someone who did not share the feeling mutually with her. Eventually she claimed that her lesbianism was the direct cause of her anger. I openly laughed at the blasphemous statement as another “converted” friend of hers jumped into our conversation and spoke ill of me for not being “straight” which was also laced with religious rhetoric. All in all I grew tired of trying to understand someone who I felt only meant to harm me because I questioned her decision to go in a direction that was seemingly unnatural to her existence, que sera…

        CASE #3: I was just recently informed that a distant acquaintance of mine “converted to heterosexuality” after being a lesbian for most of her young adult life. The decision has something to do with her somewhat religious upbringing and since I really don’t know her well all I can do is wish her luck in her endeavors.

        I can tell you this about homosexuality that I know every gay person that I know, including the ones that I don’t would agree upon: No one would ever choose to live a life that would cause them to possibly be disowned by their families, ostracized from their communities with the potential of never knowing what it is to be a family. As it stands it is still against the law for us to get married in many states and though we are recognized in others it is not mandatory for that recognition to be upheld throughout all 50 of these un-United States of America. It’s even saddening for me to try to understand why I need a law to protect my union with another consenting adult regardless of their gender but I do know that this is the world in which I live in….

      While I proudly live my life as an open lesbian being I can totally understand why someone would choose to “convert to heterosexuality”. There is a lot of pressure on the gay community to conform to societal standards based off of gender stereotypes. Hate crimes and suicide are the leading cause of death of many members within our community. Sometimes the suicide is a direct effect of an experienced hate crime (or multiple as we are never subject to just one in our lifetime). This is not a pity party just basic facts that most people often overlook. The ordeal many gay people face when it comes to religion can be rather traumatizing in and of itself, I personally have been blessed to be inexperienced in this area but don’t let my somewhat liberal background fool you as it has taken my family 20yrs just to realize that THIS IS NOT A PHASE!

        Recently I was at an event called “Lez Talk” hosted by a group called “Lesbos Are mad” here in Atlanta, GA. The hostess invited her mother to come speak to us to help her gain a better understanding of her daughter. This woman spoke of having concern for her daughters’ spiritual well being and asked us all (who felt comfortable answering) what we would say if God was standing before us… God is a sore subject for a lot of people in the Gay community because we have been biblicly beaten by religious zealots, some our own flesh and blood. Yes, there was a lot of answering around her question and testimonials of some sort. I do remember her question being answered directly but unfortunately I don’t remember any specifics. The lyrics of india.aries’ song “Video” played in my head, specificly this particular verse:

“When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me

Every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be

And I know our creator didn’t make no mistakes on me

My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes;

I’m lovin’ what I see…….”

And this is exactly how I feel about it regardless of anyone elses perception of me. If you’re so concerned about any impending damnation on my soul (or anyone elses for that matter) I suggest that in love that you get down on bended knees and go deep in prayer on my behalf. It would be much more appreciated than hearing the same misinterpreted Bible scriptures verbally beaten into our brains incessantly.

        In conclusion, everyone is entitled to live their life loving in the manner that is natural to them. I have always loved women, I have also loved men (just as passionately and intensely as any Same Gender Loving relationship that I’ve been in) the difference being my intent. I would not be able to commit my life to any man completely because I genuinely love women , bottom line – no special extravagant explanation, just my plain Gods honest truth that I live with. I don’t seek tolerance from anyone but I do hope to gain acceptance by helping people understand who I am, in turn my community shall benefit from my efforts. I love no one any less if they decide that being gay is not for them, I of all people understand but to quote Albert Einstein “If you can’t explain it simply then you don’t understand it completely…”

        Lastly, in direct conflict of my last sentence – no one owes anyone an explanation but if at some point we don’t confidently speak the truths that we live daily we won’t ever see Martin Luther King Jrs  “Dream” fruition into reality:

“I have a dream that my four children will one day

live in a nation where they will not be judged by the

color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

[Via http://rainbowsoulpoet.wordpress.com]

Tattooed Porn Stars Joanna Angel & Andy San Dimas Fuck & Suck a Zombie

[Via http://callmemr.wordpress.com]

Repeal Prop 8? There's an App for that. RE2010 Goes Digital.

You can now use your iPhone to get marriage equality back on the ballot in California! Please share this with as many people as possible. We need this to go viral! Let’s repeal Prop 8 NOW!

Sign the Petition here!:

http://restoreequality2010.com/ipod.htm

Check out the full article here:

http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-20225-SF-LGBT-Issues-Examiner~y2010m3d16-Repeal-Prop-8-Theres-an-App-for-that-iPhones-help-restore-marriage-equality-in-CA

Thanks,

Jay Matthew

ErasetheH8 Campaign

[Via http://queerfresno.com]

Mississippi's Homophobic Prom

High schools around the country are currently preparing for the event that many students look forward to their entire high school careers: prom. But this year, there will be no prom for the Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi. Why?

School officials and school board members canceled the prom in order to prevent a lesbian student, 18-year-old Constance McMillen, from attending with her girlfriend.

After initially trying to ban just Constance and her date – an action that drew the threat of a lawsuit from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) – the school decided to cancel the event for everyone rather than let the lesbian couple attend. That’s right. No gay couples. No straight couples. No prom.

In response, people across the country have mobilized in support of Constance, who throughout this ordeal has stood up unashamed for who she is – and become a national hero for LGBT rights in the process. She now has hundreds of thousands of Facebook fans, and businesses volunteering to hold alternative proms for all Itawamba students to celebrate her courage in the face of discrimination.

There are also thousands of people taking action on Change.org, demanding that the Itawamba Agricultural High School change course and become a place where all students can enjoy events like prom – not just the straight ones. You can take action here.

As shocking as this episode is, the homophobia experienced by Constance is nothing new inside America’s schools. Nationwide, nearly 90 percent of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender students report that they’ve been victims of verbal abuse in school, and more than 40 percent say they’ve been physically harassed.

That’s why one of the few openly gay members of Congress, Rep. Jared Polis, is trying to move forward a piece of legislation known as the Student Non-Discrimination Act, which would move our schools one step closer to becoming safe spaces for all students, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. You can help support his effort here.

http://gayrights.change.org/

If you would like to take action on this situation please go to the following link.

http://gayrights.change.org/blog/view/cant_ban_gay_couples_cancel_the_prom_for_everyone

[Via http://asnycnowradio.wordpress.com]

Great moments in coming out: Ellen's Puppy Episode

All this talk about the prom in Mississippi and Ellen’s fans calling on her to help ensure that an inclusive prom happens there regardless of the schoolboard has made me think…

Remember when you had to use her last name? It was awful — so hard to spell. It really is a blessing she’s become so famous we don’t need it anymore.

This episode — the famous coming out episode — was codenamed “The Puppy Episode” to prevent press leaks. It didn’t really work. But who cares. This was Ellen Degeneres at her funniest.

[Via http://biggaycloset.com]

Great solution... of prostitution...Avoiding the institution of contribution.

In other words I ask for subscribers to aid my master plan.  I want to beef up my site…into a site of worth.  Since mine sucks, I know this.  Maybe add some pics, add some fun.  Not sure of anything other than I really don’t want to go back to corporate life yet. 

What shall I do?!  Hum… I think I’ll offer some private pics and video to subscribers.  It’s like a giveaway…  Is this okay?  I’ve always been okay with sleeping my way to the top.  Never any problems with it really.  Now I have the comfort and ease of finding a way to accomplish this same little slutty way of reaching my goals.  I love it.

[Via http://romanticvulgarity.wordpress.com]

Feminism: When It's Not Dead, It's Naked (Women & The Art World)

“The woman artist” is a notion that persists today, assumed to have gained the most strength during the Women’s Liberation Movement. Today, the idea behind “woman art shows” is the same as it was in the 60’s and 70’s—to give women a platform in which to share their art, lest they be marginalized in the regular art world. Almost all of the time, these shows focus around female empowerment, and, by association, feminism. But, truth be told, whenever I attend these shows or take part in them, they leave my feminist senses with something to be desired.

A month or so ago, I caught wind of a “feminist show” at Locked Out, one of my favorite Chicago venues that doubles as an anarchist commune. I was pumped about it, expecting to show up and see lots of riot grrrl style bands. But the real show was nothing like that. I walked in at the beginning of a performance art installation that featured many naked women on stage, just standing there and being naked, and what looked like the Bride of Frankenstein with a phone cord wrapped around her neck in the middle of it all. Once the performance was over, the host informed us, “The artist wants you to know you can interpret this installation in anyway you please.” I thought to myself, Really? Because this looks like blatant sexual objectification under the mask of avant garde to me. The next act? An all-male band with a female front woman who, again, made little to no actual feminist commentary. The fact that the only reasonable explanation for this band performing being because of the sole female member added insult to injury, especially when I know of several local all-male bands that deal with feminism in a more direct way. Not only was this show failing as a statement for feminism, but it also struggled to find enough talented, all-female artists to fill the bill.

To be honest, much of women’s art has gone this route—an art student’s desperate, yet failed, attempt at political consciousness—or another route: to try to continue to exemplify feminist art from the Women’s Liberation Movement rather than expand on it in the Third Wave. If you said this was because there have been very few prominent feminist art influences since that time, you’d be half right. If you said this was because feminist art is still trying to market itself as art for women by women when the conversation has been expanded upon immensely, you’d be on target.

“Hey! What’s wrong with making feminist art for the purposes of feminism?” You might ask. Well, there’s nothing wrong with making art for whatever purpose you see fit—or for no purpose at all. What’s wrong is the way this art is presented to its audience, almost always through “woman artist” shows. It’s not that “woman artists” are less talented because they’re women, it’s that most serious artists reach a point in their career where the last thing they want is to have an extra noun tacked onto their title, be it “woman artist” or “gay artist” or “black artist” or “working class artist.” At this point, I should hope the interests of feminism have progressed so that “woman artist” and “feminist artist” should not be synonyms. I know female artists who would like to have nothing to do with feminism and many male artists who frequently give adapt insights to our oppressive climate. Many of those actually talented have the title “woman artists” thrust upon them by others, regardless of whether or not they identify as such. When someone says, “Here’s a poem written by a woman poet,” it’s like saying “Here’s a poem I wouldn’t bother to read if it weren’t written by a woman.”

Not every “woman artist” rejects the notion of being labeled, however, and these artists usually fit into one of two categories: 1) they need the exposure and are willing to play-up their womanhood in order to get it, 2) they recognize that being a “woman artist” and making feminist art will gain them a place in a community. The second one I consider to be much more damaging, because the “woman art” community, in true tradition of Second Wave Feminism, continuously isolates other political opinions, not to mention female artists of color. Yeah, there are still a lot of poetry open mics that feel like old boys clubs, and sometimes when I get up on stage and share my poetry, I know I’m going to have to deal with at least one audience member hitting on me after the show. I have been to plenty of open mics where I was the sole female contributor, and seen as a novelty for this reason. But the fact of the matter is that the objectification of women is really not much better at these “women’s only” shows. Fuck, at the feminist show I previously mentioned the vast majority of the audience were males who find hyper-sexualized art arousing, and the so-called feminist artists were more than ready to give it to them. This climate is no less threatening to women and their legitimacy as artists than any other.

So should woman artists shut up and just try to compete with the white males who still dominate the art world? No, but they could certainly try to look at the art world in a way that isn’t either half a century old or, more often than not, concerned primarily with getting exposure for their political platform (and, by association, themselves). The obvious solution—to me, at least—is for artists who are truly concerned with politics not to isolate themselves to a venue where everyone will share their opinions, but to try to make political art more visible, yet more subtly political, outside these realms. Perhaps it’s easier for me to say this because I live in a major city with a seemingly endless supply of galleries, venues, and cafes seeking artists, but in the age of the internet and the rising popularity of blogs (or other forms of self-publication), there are even more outlets for art and audiences for it than ever before.

One phrase closely associated with feminist art is “the personal is political.” This was true in the 1960’s as it is in our time. But the fact of the matter is, unless you are extremely careful not to isolate your audience, people are more likely to not relate to your personal political poem. It’s dangerously easy to bypass technique in favor of getting a political message across clearly. One should never sacrifice artistic integrity in favor of better voicing their own opinions. Instead, one must look at the challenges they face as both an artist and someone with political opinions, and accept them in order to make great art. After all, in art, it’s not sound opinions that influence people, it’s mind blowing compositions that make people see the world in a whole new way. Let’s focus on that, shall we?

[Via http://firesunderground.wordpress.com]

The first person I told...

…told someone else.

I hadn’t planned to tell Keith — ever. I didn’t even know him well. We’d dated once. It had been a total disaster.

I’d dated his best friend, Jon,  for a while, and it ended amicably. We’d been much better friends, but I hadn’t heard from him in a very long time and because that happens in university, I thought maybe our season had passed. Keith said Jon had moved to Australia with his new girlfriend.

I told Keith because he was the first person I had seen since hiding away in my huge summer sublet apartment for a couple days.

He asked, “Anything new?”

I said, “I’m gay.”

Two weeks later I got a phone call, from Jon. He was back in town, and wanted to chat. He was single again.

We met in the waterfowl park after dark. We didn’t get caught by the “duck police”, as we called the solitary warden who patrolled the park at night. We sat quietly on a bench.

He told me Keith had told him about me. He started to talk like he had to come out himself. I encouraged him. It hadn’t been easy for me but it had been worth it.

Jon said, “I just want to meet some one, and be happy.”

I said, “You’re a nice guy, you’ll meet someone.”

“That’s the problem,” she replied.

We lived together for two years while she and I came out. Her coming out was harder, more obvious, and more fraught with shrinks, doctors and hormones. Mine was the gentler coming out of finding new friends, new memes, new ways.

Both were successful and totally worth it.

[Via http://biggaycloset.com]

So there's this girl...

Ok, anyone who’s read through my blog before probably read the Hooking Up post?  The girl at the party?  Yeah that girl… so it’s two weeks later now and she’s driving me crazy.  We spoke (well… texted, this is the technological age) all the time from like the day after that party through last week.  I’ve seen her twice since, she spent the night last Friday… and I took her back up Saturday morning.  However, and I know this is ridiculous, our spring breaks are at different times (hers is right now through next week, mine’s the week after that) and I miss her… a lot.  We’ve been talking for two weeks, if that’s even what you can call it, and I miss her a lot.

Gah!  This is ridiculous.  And frustrating.  For the bulk of the last two weeks I’ve let her take the lead, I’ve waited for her to text me, let her initiate the bulk of hang out times, etc. in an effort to go her pace, not rush her, etc.  I know she’s “been” with women before, I don’t know if she’s ever been with a woman before and I don’t want to rush her, freak her out, etc… but this is painful.  I want to text her and tell her I miss her and then that feels obsessive… sheesh.  No one makes me act like this.  Maybe there’s something there after all.  I’ve just got to hope her bisexual leaning wins out and she doesn’t slip back towards the Y chromosome end of the spectrum…

[Via http://skinnyjeanlipstics.wordpress.com]

David Hamilton Demoiselles

Long famed as a controversial figure in the photography community…David Hamilton is the master of the soft focus. His images capture the subtle sensuality of women in their everyday lives. While some of his work may push the envelope according to fashion standards of the 1990’s, today their racy-ness pales in comparison to the bodies of work of, say Tom Ford or Terry Richardson. I think you all know how I feel about nudity (whatever ya got…shake whatcha got) but however you may feel about these, they have greatly influenced modern fashion expression, and are certainly art in their own right…Enjoy!!! Xo K

” a distinction must be

made between eroticism

and pornography; the media

have blurred the disparity to

an unforgivable degree…”

David Hamilton

[Via http://scriptical.wordpress.com]

Random thoughts revolving around the rapscallions

I write an awful lot about our relationship. I don’t write nearly as much about the kids. I think this is because, for the most part, I’m pretty secure in my role as Mom. The kids won’t up and leave me if I do something stupid, and, at this stage of the game, I’m pretty certain that I’m not going to screw them up too bad if I make a mistake. They’re little and little kids are experts at forgiving and forgetting.

This parenting thing in our house is kind of strange. I’m in some sort of awkward limbo between single mom and partnered-mom – I’m definitely partnered, but she’s only been living with us for a little over 6 months, and as far as the kids go, there are boundaries that are still being worked out.

Take discipline, for example. The kids love her and trust her unconditionally, and because of the nature of their relationship, she gets to be the fun one. She rarely gets mad at them, and when she does, they pay damn good attention. It’s nice because if I’m struggling with them and they’re tuning out Mom, all she has to do is say, “Hey, what did your mom say?” and it’s like magic. They can hear me again.

While it’s refreshing, because even while I was with their dad, I didn’t have this kind of support, it also sets up a potential good-cop/bad-cop dynamic that I would really like to steer clear of. So when it’s her boundaries that are being pushed, I’ve encouraged her to find ways to deal with it herself, to talk to the kids, rather than have me “handle” them. It’s been touchy at times. They’re my kids, I should be the one to enforce the rules, etc. At the same time, if we’re to be long-term partners, and if she wants to have her personal limits respected, they need to hear it from her at least some of the time that they’re pushing.

She is much more receptive to the idea when she’s not trying to sleep. (and usually, I go ahead and enforce her boundaries for her when she is trying to sleep – I mean, I’m not totally cold!)

The kids love her to pieces. They come home from their dad’s house, and the first thing they do when they see her – however cliche it may be – is throw themselves on her. She’s tackled and tickled and kissed and cuddled. And it all happens again at the end of every day, bedtime. And then at the beginning of the day, her bedtime. They can’t get enough of her.

This morning, my daughter, three, was distressed to found out WokkaWokka had gone to bed. (That’s the special name she came up for my Darling, henceforth abbreviated as W.W.) “I want someone else to make my breakfast! I want W.W.!! Not you!” Apparently she’s cooler than me, and she makes cereal better than me.

Sometimes she likes to play around with words. She’ll tell others, “We have kids,” rather than, “She has kids and I put up with the noise.” She’ll say things like, “Our kids are little shits sometimes, but I do love them,” which I almost always have to replay in my mind a couple of times to confirm the “our” presence in the statement. And she’ll never repeat herself. “You heard me. Shut up, leave me alone,” she mumbles with a sheepish grin.

She’s getting the hang of it. It’s not like there’s a lot of resources out there for people in her position though, which I find surprising. I’m trying to find some books – and I’ve got one title in mind that I haven’t read – that focus on lesbian step-parents. Because a lot of the step-parenting books out there are hetero-biased and subtle as it may be, it is hard to navigate around sometimes. And a lot of the lesbian parenting books out there focus so much on lesbians who were already coupled before the kids came along, rather than the other way around. And she could use some support, because it’s not always easy to be in her position.

And the kids… they love her, but they still can’t quite wrap their minds around who/what she is to us. My oldest, my son, knows she’s my “girlfriend”, and that we love each other a whole lot, like a lot of mommies and daddies love each other, which is cool but kind of strange because we can’t get married cuz only men and women can get married, right? Not too bad for a 5 year old. My daughter, she’s absolutely unabashed about sharing affection with her W.W., regardless of where we are or who’s around, which throws people off when she explains their relationship: “She’s my roommate.” Which stings Pickle a bit, because they’re so much more than roommates or friends, but, hey… the kid’s only three. She doesn’t have the language yet.

We’re lucky to live in a very progressive town with a same-sex registry. There’s another girl in my daughter’s class at preschool who has two moms. I don’t really worry about the kids getting bullied or treated badly for it – in fact, in a town like ours, it’s likely to be a popularity boost come junior high – “Wow, you have two moms? That’s rad!” Rebellion is encouraged around here, and having parents that are already breaking the mold, well that’s just bonus.

I’m sure there will be some jerk kids out there who will assume that because her moms are dykes, our daughter will be too.

And then there’s their dad – who’s a puzzle of his own. He identifies as a gender-queer cis-male. This may be a judgmental thing to say, it may not be socially correct, but it is based off of everything I know about him: I would not be surprised if he, in the next ten years, came out as transgendered and started living as a lesbian. He’s very zealous about trans issues, and I don’t think it’s just because it happens to be the current trend, the “cool thing to do” in the Radical Queer community right now.

And while it’s cool that he’s currently exploring his identity and I hope he is able to find happiness and comfort, I do worry about the natural bias of the outside world – even the LGBT community. It’s ok to be gay, and it’s ok to be lesbian. And once people start talking about trans issues, it seems like it’s ok to trans – as long as you’re female transitioning to male (FTM). But if it’s the other way around people start to get squirmy. I think it’s a reflection of society’s general underlying attitudes towards women – “Why would anyone want to be a woman?” It may sound extreme, and certainly, it’s not conscious thinking on the part of most, but it is worth examination, I think.

And my kids have two moms… maybe one day they’ll have three, or even four. I don’t think anyone around here would bully them for having two moms. I worry that, especially for my son, their father’s identity and presentation (he dresses in women’s clothing often) will create problems, and have my son branded a sissy.

But then again, he’s got two tough moms with a lot of fight in them…. and I’m learning – people are scared of pissing off lesbians!

Maybe that’s why people have always found me intimidating – they sensed my inner dyke…

[Via http://freeinsilence.wordpress.com]