A little courage in a small East Texas town

I went to college in Texas – San Antonio in fact. Spent 4 1/2 years there and gladly called it home at the time. My partner and I called Houston home for 2 years. Both cities have a thriving if not quaint gay population. But drive a few hours over to a small east texas town called Tyler or neighboring Lindale – and you get a different tale. Very conservative, very bible belt and extremely homophobic. I think I would go so far as to say the very word “gay” is not even utter in single breath in that town (okay maybe I am exaggerating but you get the point) – it isn’t very welcoming to gay people at all.

Tyler Texas - Project TAG

In comes the AIDS service organization Project TAG (Tyler Area Gays) who decided to do a small part to introducing this community to the word “gay.” What did they do – they adopted a highway. We all have seen the signs, church groups, fraternities, lodges – adopt a section of a highway, clean it up and get their name put on a sign on that stretch of road. Project TAG sought to do this with the idea of getting the word “gay” out in public in their community. The hope – to desensitize the area about what is and is not “gay” and to get the community talking. Will it work…only time will tell. But I think it’s a great way to not only do a service for your community but to show how LGBT people have the same civic and community goals as anyone else and oh by the way; they live in your town too!!

Way to go Project TAG – that takes a lot of courage in this little small east Texas town.

Thomas

Science Fiction meets Religious Oppression

So many people who hear me talk about the Ex-Gay Movement and my many varied failed attempts to “de-gay” myself think I am making this stuff up–total fiction. Add to it the Evangelical world view,  some evil spirits, generational curses and football clinics–well it sounds downright nutty.

Daniel Gonzales writing for Box Turtle Bulletin, spent time trying to de-gay himself with the assistance of a “therapist” from the sinister sounding organization NARTH (National Association for the Research and Therapy of  Homosexuality). Recently he has been looking into the parallels between ex-gay treatment like one gets at NARTH and elsewhere with the practices of another infamous organization–the Church of Scientology.

He’s included delicious diagrams and videos. Read Part I and Part II of a Clear Comparison: Scientology and Ex-Gay Programs.

NARTH will have their annual conference this year in Southern Florida, and like last year when NARTH met in Denver, Beyond Ex-Gay will be there to counter the misinformation and false promises. Beyond Ex-Gay will facilitate a day-long Ex-Gay Survivor gathering for survivors and allies. It is the kick-off for an event organized by a coalition of social justice groups. As NARTH meets to share their views about just how awful the gays are and their various dodgy methods to bring about change the Anti-Heterosexism Conference will take place down the road in West Palm Beach, FL Nov 20-23.

That lovin' feeling

Oy, I know it’s been a little while since I’ve written. I’ve been distracted by a slew of marital issues and such, and so I’ve sort of dropped the ball in trying to keep sane and my head above water in all of this. I will not delve too deep into the martial issues, as there are some things that don’t belong on my blog. But, there have been things and events that I’ve had to deal with.

I love fall. I love parts of it, I love fall when it’s warm and pretty when the sun wraps its wisps of rays around the Iowa area as it slips away into winter. I love it when it’s cooler than 110 in the shade. I don’t really love it when it’s unshakeably cloudy and rainy. This fall, I really feel like we got kicked in the head with “HEY, IT’S AUTUMN! “. The weather is cooler, the clouds are oppressive, and the sense of impending doom and hopelessness is creeping in. After a very slow start to the summer, and then a rocky summer, I’m not exactly ready for this already. But it is what it is, and I can no more stop that than I can stop the wind from blowing. So, I try to just make the best of every day and go from there.

I’ve found myself in a horrid juxtaposition between things in life. I feel like I’m clinging to a spiked wall that’s above a lava pit, and that although I’m stabilizing, the lava is getting awfully hot. I’m going to have to work on things and do things that I don’t really want to do. This is why some people avoid therapy. It’s hard. It really forces one to sit down and assess what they are doing and where they are going in life, and the main lesson that I have learned is: “Everything you know is wrong.” Whew, that one is a hard pill to swallow. I’ve made some great progress, but sheesh! IT. DOESN’T. END. Sometimes, I just want to take the whole bottle of whatever it is that I can find to go to sleep and forget about it all.

Now, for those that know me personally, and for those who don’t, the subject I am about to broach next is a bit on the tricky side. It’s kind of sticky, but it’s something that also must be talked about. It is a piece of the mental health puzzle. It’s a matter of being comfortable with who I am, what I’m doing, and where I’m going in life.

I am bisexual.

I’ve already dodged all of the rotten tomatoes, so thank you. You can just put them in the trash, thankyouverymuch.

There is a huge stigma attached to “The B Word”. It comes from both sides of the spectrum, and this stigma is what sort of sent me back into the closet. It’s a comfort thing. If people ask me point-blank, I’ll tell them. Or, if I’m *REALLY* comfortable with the person, I’ll come out. I don’t openly wear my rainbow (or purple triangles) on my sleeve, but it’s there. No, I’m not going to make out with you because you’re a girl. No, I’m not going to hit on you. No, I’m not going to have a threesome for your boyfriend. No, I haven’t had 100 partners. I’m not promiscuous. I’m not a freak. At the risk of being disowned by certain parts of my family, I am attracted to women. Not all women. Just like I’m not attracted to all men. I’m not going to explain myself. I’m not going to apologize for myself.

I am what I am. I am who I am. I’m not ashamed of it. I am still the same person I was ten minutes ago before you clicked open my blog and I came out to the internet. Sexuality is something that is complicated and fluid. It happens. Unfortunately, I do anticipate a few “Un-Friends” on Facebook. I should hope that anybody that I talk to, associate with, and/or am FB friends with won’t get freaked out by my admission to bisexuality and decide that I’m not worthy of associating with. If anybody DOES really and legitimately feel that they SIMPLY CANNOT TALK TO A WOMAN THAT HAPPENS TO LIKE SOME OTHER WOMEN (OMG! SCREAM! The Horror!) and decides that THAT will be the one and only deciding factor in whether or not to take me off their “Friend” list, then don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.

ALL of that being said, sexuality is situationally complex. So, I really don’t like it when I have crushes on females. Why? As nice as it is, it’s fucking complicated. Why? Because the vast majority of females are NOT bisexual or lesbian, and there really IS NO WAY TO TELL. We don’t all have pink patches to wear on our clothes to say “Hey, You’re on my Gay-Dar! NEAT!”

AND MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M GOING TO BLOG ABOUT THIS!!! AT THE RISK OF BEING DISOWNED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BLOGGING ABOUT THIS!!! WHAT THE HELL?!

So there was a girl. I’d always sorta seen her “around”. I didn’t have a whole lot of contact with her. I still don’t. Somehow, she caught my eye. And I will refer to her as “Mystery Girl”, how I referred to her before I learned her name. {No names here.} I don’t know if she cast a spell on me or what, but after awhile, I feel head-over-heels.

I know, I know. I’m not supposed to do that. She’s a girl. I’m a girl. NOT cool. I’m into guys too.

When I was younger, a teenager, I remember saying very adamantly: “I’m straight as an arrow, but sure as hell NOT narrow!” I openly accepted the idea of the GLBT movement, despite my severely homophobic best friend. The main subject of her conversation was about gay people, and how bad it was to be gay. That’s the bulk of what I remember about this girl. In fact, her conversation was so heavily laden with homophobia that I discussed this with ANOTHER friend, and we both wondered if this original friend was indeed, a lesbian. The original friend was SO FREAKED OUT by our open lesbian gym teacher. I thought it was ridiculous. I had NO problem with it. I didn’t actually know anybody that was openly gay at that point, but I seriously could have given less than a shit.

What I IGNORED was my own discomfort with women. Especially women of alternative sexuality. I could not openly figure out why, for the life of me, WHY WHY WHY when I heard of an internet friend being bisexual and making out with a girl, that it made me SO DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE? I had to literally convince myself several times over “Okay, that GUY is REALLY HOT! LOOK AT THAT GUY” I would spend a lot of time avoiding looking at women because I was straight. Why was I looking at this woman? And why did she look so… pretty? There was that one girl in my freshman Spanish class that I felt REALLY weird when I found out that I’d been eyeing her, and she was, indeed a girl. (My defense to myself was: “She LOOKS like a cute boy! Dammit! a BOY!”)

I remember a cool fall or winter night when I was a teenager. I was sitting by the piano watching an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation with my dad. I looked at Dana Troy (Miranda Sirtis), and I had to look away because she was so pretty… I desperately looked at all of the male characters in the rest of the episode because I was straight, there was no reason why I should have felt that twinge. I just about had a panic attack that night. When I was alone, I looked out the living room window and started crying. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I had markers. Flags. Clues as to what was going on. But, I never actually openly addressed this aspect of myself. Especially NOT in middle or high school. I would have been chewed up and spit out. I was barely outwardly comfortable around guys (I’m still kinda awkward on this one…). Let alone girls. So, I maintained that I was, indeed, straight. I liked guys, I was pretty open about liking boys, and all was cool. All was right with the world. What wasn’t cool was these “abnormal” twinges I felt occasionally when I met or saw particular girls. “DO *NOT* GO TO PHASE 2! I REPEAT! DO *NOT* GO TO PHASE 2!!! DON’T YOU DARE! NOT COOL!”

Fast forward to the summer after high school. I figured it out. I watched a movie that changed my life forever. It was called “Get Real.” It was coming of age story about a nerdy guy that falls for a jock. Jock likes guy back. They have private affair, etc. I do highly recommend watching it. But, it got me to thinking about things. And it got me thinking seriously about WHY I would find myself so damn uncomfortable at certain times around certain… people (women). And it struck me like a bolt of lightning.

It was a huge weight off of my shoulders. I didn’t have to have panic attacks at night because I found somebody attractive and that she happened to be female. I wanted to scream to the world “HEY, WORLD! GUESS WHAT?! I’M BISEXUAL AND I LIKE IT!! TAKE THAT!” My first semester of college, that’s about exactly what I did. I was pretty open about being bisexual. It’s cool to be “Out and Proud”, but sometimes, even in a liberal bubble, discretion must be used. Over the years, I learned that keeping quiet about that in the workplace definitely worked to my benefit. And that if I let people get to know me first, then it wasn’t such a big deal. Still, though, there is definitely a stigma attached to “The B Word.” I’ve heard SO many times: “Well, WHO do you marry? A man or a woman?” “Cool! Will you do a threesome!?” …etc… “You’re NOT straight! EW!” “You’re NOT a lesbian! EW!” So, it’s very difficult to be squashed in the middle. It is what it is. I can appreciate an exotic beauty and sensuality about a woman that it otherwise unexplainable. I’m attracted to guys. I’m attracted to girls. It’s just me. There’s nothing I can do to change it, and I don’t want to.

The only thing that I *DO* want to change, however, is that when I *DO* find myself in a situation where I find somebody so drop-deadly attractive, that I’m able to TALK to this person, and get to KNOW them.

Street corner lesbian

Friday night I went out to a bar district with some of the interns. I decided to leave a little earlier than the others wanted to, so I said I’d just walk home — the area is only eight or nine blocks from my apartment, and I’d only had a couple beers over the course of the entire evening.

Bad choice.

About three blocks from home, some tall, drunk guy walking the opposite direction stumbled past as he crossed the street.

‘Hey baby, can I have a kiss?’ he asked, leaning down and pointing to his cheek.

‘Um, no, I don’t think so,’ I responded hesitantly.

‘Lesbian!’ he snapped. He then smacked me on the ass and stumbled away.

Memphis National Coming Out Day Billboard Sign Completely Destroyed

From Triangle Journal, Sept 25, 2009

Reported on Equality Across America

On Friday evening September 25, passersby and community members began reporting to Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center (MGLCC) that one of the billboards erected by MGLCC honoring National Coming Out Day had been destroyed.

The billboard, which contained a picture of community member Tim Smith dressed in his marine uniform proclaiming “I’m gay, and I defended your freedom,” was completely torn from the Clear Channel Billboard frame, exposing remnants of prior postings. No identifiable portions of the MGLCC billboard remained.

The MGLCC billboard campaign honoring National Coming Out Day on October 11 has been underway for one week and will continue for three more weeks. The initiative aims to clarify to the Mid-South that our community is not afraid of being out and that we are unashamed of being who we are. The billboard that was defaced is one of five erected throughout the city as part of the initiative. MGLCC Executive Director Will Batts, who is in Philadelphia attending a national conference for LGBT community centers, was contacted by phone by Triangle Journal and informed of the defacement. He stated, “Some people choose tactics of violence and intimidation in an attempt to silence minority voices. What will happen, though, is that our voices will become louder and stronger and we will become even more relentless in our fight for full equality.”

This story was sent to us from one of our National Equality March organizers, Tommy Simmons from Tennessee. Spread the word wide and far!

Can you spot another gay person?

     I’ve always said that gay people have a thing called “gaydar” that allows them to spot out other gay people in a sea of faces……When I first started working at Chilis, a saw about 5 other people I knew were gay right off top. Im a femme so its a little more difficult to tell (or so I thought), but the group of LGBT members I spotted consisted of 3 boys, 3 studs, and one who was questionable. Lol. Anyways, my coworkers informed me that they all knew I was gay from the time I hit the door to get an application. The boys AND the girls all said they could tell I was gay.
  

     This made me think….what was it that may me seem gay and can all other gay people spot LGBT family? The boys told me they knew I was gay by looking in my eyes. They said thats how alot of gay men identify each other also…..The women told me that the way they could tell I was gay was by the way I carried myself. Lol. Whatever that means.
    

     So I guess the underlying question is can you look at someone else as a gay person and tell they are gay automatically? If so, how? What is it that makes you come to that conclusion in your mind about someone else? I feel like its easier to spot a stud or a flamboyant gay man then it is a gay femme. Just my opinion though. Anyways, enjoy the blog and dont forget to leave your comments! I want to hear about your gaydar. Lol

Why They Suffer

LGBT Rights

…the world is yet to offer

homosexuality

the liberty it deserves.

Faggot, queer, dyke, homo, twinkie, a businessman hears this from a co-worker or a boy from his father or a student from his classmates or even a person from strangers in the streets for at least once every day. The purpose of these names is to remind them of what they are, or at least, what others have branded them; an abomination, a humiliation, a disappointment for the reason that they chose to be different.

Unacceptability is the kind of emotional impact that retains homosexuals from freely exercising their civil and human rights. Oftentimes, unacceptability reflects from family relations to social status when an individual decides to “come out”, therefore, leads the vast majority of young homosexuals to run away from home or worse, commit suicide.

On top of that, there’s also Alienation. It is one aspect that elaborates the fact that gay men would find little success in obtaining a normal, carefree lifestyle in a large community, when they choose to publicize their sexuality; hence, they are force to settle in small-populated districts where homosexuality is tolerated.

Another is Condemnation, an expression frequently utilized by religious organizations and churches who perceive homosexuality as a crime to God’s will owing to the belief that a person can only limit his/her freedom of attachment towards the opposite sex by reason that same sex relationship opposes child-bearing. And finally, what most homosexuals experience from the whole, degradation.

Degradation manifests in several forms; mistreatment through physical, verbal, emotional and spiritual assault from others; lack of support and protection from authority; rejection from obtaining or maintaining work; denial from a normal lifestyle etc. In conclusion, even as Gay Rights are regarded in parts of the globe, the world is yet to offer homosexuality the liberty it deserves.

Good News!!!!

Hey guys!  I received some really good news last night and I thought it only right to write a quick post to share it with you guys.  If you’ve followed the podcast & blog for a while, then you will know that Tom hasn’t been home to the U.S. for Christmas in about 9 years.  This year , thanks in no small part to my new job, I decided to make my way back home to Alabama for the holidays.  I also really wanted my partner to join me on the trip to finally visit my home, and also to take the scary step of meeting the in-laws.

Soooo, last month we started the process of trying to get him a tourist visa to visit the U.S. and it was quite an arduous task.  There was a mountain of paperwork needed for him to even apply.  Then, with the knowledge that he might not even get it, we prepared all the necessary documents from here and at home thanks to the support of my family.  He went to the U.S. embassy last week for his visa interview and fortunately for us, it went really smoothly.  It is often difficult for Thai citizens to get American visas due to a variety of reasons and we were more than a little nervous.  However, I’m proud to report that he received his passport back in the mail yesterday with a 10 year multiple entry tourist visa to the America.  I did a little happy dance when I got the news, and now i’m really excited to make the journey home with my partner at my side come December.

I’ll be having a quite weekend here in the Thai countryside, so you can definitely count on a podcast in the next couple of days.  I’m planning to revisit something I talked about in the first or second episode as they don’t seem to be available for download anymore.  A few of you have requested the background of my journey that led me to live in Thailand, so I’ll take some time in the next podcast and talk about the how and the why that brought me to live here.  Sooooo, till the weekend much luv from very wet southern coast of Thailand!

Introducing Our Couture Line of Greeting Cards!

Lesbian Christmas Couture Greeting Card

The holidays are fast approaching and the Blac Gurlz Ink line of greeting cards is expanding just as fast!  We know that the holidays can present a unique opportunity for same-sex loving members and their allies to exchange holiday greeting cards that reflect and express their sentiments.

So we decided to help out a bit!

Introducing the Blac Gurlz Ink’s “Couture” line of quality greeting cards!

We are introducing the line during the holiday season so that not another day goes by where you’re wondering…”isn’t there something more…something more representative of my community?”  Well, now there is!

And the beauty of the Couture line is that you can place a “custom” order!

These limited edition and signed greeting cards are lovingly handcrafted from the finest materials we have found thus far and can we just add that anyone giving or receiving one of our Couture cards will know that they are SPECIAL to someone!

Once the holiday season has passed they will make wonderful keepsakes AND we didnt just create cards for the Holidays!

Please go to our website to view our complete line:
http://www.blacgurlzink.com/

Holiday Special!

From now until Dec. 20, 2009, when you purchase 4 premium greeting cards or 2 handcrafted couture greeting cards, we will send you a FREE card as our way of saying thank you!

Below are some ideas taken from Gallery Collection of great ways to enhance your greeting cards to fit your home decorating motif.

Lesbian Christmas Couture Greeting Card

Greeting Card Crafts
(excerpt taken from www.gallerycollection.com. All photos are of Blac Gurlz Ink Couture greeting cards)

Puzzles
Choose a theme, such “Winter Wonderland” or “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” Cut out the pictures and arrange them on a piece of cardboard (a cereal box is ideal)Glue (Modge Podge works well for this craft) the pictures to the cardboard and then brush Modge Podge on the top of the pictures for a strong glossy finish. After it dries, cut in puzzle size pieces with an Xacto knife.

Christmas Gift Tags
This is so easy. Cut the front of an old Christmas card or just the picture from any greeting card. Punch a hole and place ribbon through it.

Gay Christmas Couture Greeting Card

Wall Plaques
Your local craft store sells wooden plaques in all different shapes and sizes. Paint or stain the wood. After it dries, use Modge Podge to glue the picture to the plaque. Put another coat of Modge Podge over the picture for a glossy finish. This can be great in place of a holiday card or Christmas card.

Place Mats
Glue your pictures to cardboard. (You may want to paint the bottom of the cardboard first.) Laminate or use clear Con-tac paper.

Framed Art
Your favorites designs can be framed and hung on the wall. Or artfully arrange a few personalized greeting cards in one frame.

Lesbian Wedding Couture Card

Gay Wedding Couture Greeting Card

uneasy

last night was fun…  gratifying in some ways, but still not fully gratifying the way I crave…

Now this morning I have been walking around kinda feeling bad about things we did, like regretful in a way.   I know we are married and sex is ok between us, but I am pretty sure what we were doing does not count as ok in the eyes of God.

He told me this morning that he had a bunch of bad dreams last night… which usually means dirty sex dreams or dreams in which I leave him or am with other women instead of him.  He teared up a bit when he told me, but he didnt go into detail about them yet.

Usually when i get really pulled into my lesbian thoughts, he starts sensing it spiritually or something.  And when he does, he confronts me on it or digs around trying to see if his feelings are valid.  So we will see if he starts questioning soon.  Since I have been pretty high on the thoughts recently.

Today I am a little disturbed by our actions and my inability to control myself and be happy where I am with what and who I have and stop craving something else.   I love my husband and things need to be good and “normal” and healthy.  I am not thinking about women at all today.

Bakersfield Gay Pride Festival

 

Bakersfield Gay Pride Festival

 When: Saturday, October 17, 2009

 3:00 PM to 9:00 PM PDT

Where: Stramler Park 3805 Chester Avenue

 Bakersfield, CA 93301

Bakersfield LGBTQ proudly presents the 6th Annual Pride Festival, featuring Three Chord Whore, Ask Alice & the Fantasy Girls, as well as other live entertainment, amazing Emcee Billie Joe Fox, bigger & better Kidzone, LOTS of vendors, food & beverages and a fantastic day all around! Portions of the show will be ASL interpeted. We have several drawings for prizes. Grab your family & friends and join us to connect to your community!

Tickets will be $10 at the door, and $7 in advance, available September 30. (We’ll make announcements so you can’t miss them!) Cash only, no checks or credit/debit cards.

This event is sponsored by Bakersfield LGBTQ, ID Lube and the 2010 US Census.

There is no ATM onsite for this event. Make sure you bring cash with you for the vendors and food!

This venue is accessible by the disabled; the grounds are primarily short-cut grass. Restrooms are accesible.

For regular Pride updates, please join our facebook: www.facebook.com/bakolbgtq This site will also be updated as the event grows nearer!

PARKING: Please plan to park around the back of the park, using the entrance just south of the Bakersfield Blaze sign. There will be no gates open on the Chester Avenue side of the event.

This is a once-a-year extravaganza so make your plan now to attend! See you there!

Episcopal Nuns Come Home to Roman Catholicism

H/T to Susan G. in Nebraska who said this article from the Baltimore Sun would make me happy:

In a move that religious scholars say is unprecedented, 10 of the 12 nuns at an Episcopal convent in Catonsville left their church Thursday to become Roman Catholics, the latest defectors from a denomination divided over the ordination of gay men and women.

………

The sisters said they converted for the orthodoxy, unity and leadership they said they could no longer find in their own faith.

“We know our beliefs and where we are,” said Mother Christina Christie, superior of the order that came to Baltimore in 1872. “We were drifting farther apart from the more liberal road the Episcopal Church is traveling. We are now more at home in the Roman Catholic Church.”

Also joining the church was the Rev. Warren Tanghe, the sisters’ chaplain. In a statement, Episcopal Bishop Eugene Taylor Sutton wished them God’s blessings.

“Despite the sadness we feel in having to say farewell, our mutual joy is that we remain as one spiritual family of faith, one body in Christ,” he said.

What can gay people do about climate change?

You can control climate change!!

If gay people represent 1 out of every 10 people in the population, then it stands to reason that we can make a huge impact in our world’s climate. Human rights campaigners in London have stressed this week the importance of the gay community to help fight climate change. Peter Tatchell, Human Rights Activist and Campaginer in London told reporters: “There is not much point campaigning for LGBT human rights unless we have a habitable planet on which to enjoy these rights. If global warming results in climate destruction and economic downturn, our quality of queer life will be seriously diminished. In the worst case scenario, human survival might be threatened.”

So if climate change has such a huge impact what can we do about it? Tatchell has decided to start a campaign in his home country to combat climate change by starting the 10:10 initiative. In a nutshell, he wants London’s gay population to cut its carbon footprint by 10% – Following the theory that if we are 1 out of every 10 people in the world, then lets cut our consumption by 10%. It is definitely an achievable goal and one that all gay people can get behind.

Tatchell told reporters when he launched this program …”Cutting our personal carbon footprint by 10% by the

example of climate flood in London

 end of 2010 is a realistic, achievable target that will make an impact. It isn’t hugely difficult. I found it a fun challenge and quite easy. It has reduced my energy bills and saved me money. Walking, cycling and not eating meat has also made me fitter and healthier. We don’t have to wait for the government and business to give us a lead. We can take the initiative ourselves by eliminating energy wastage in our homes, workplaces and neighbourhoods. By our personal example, we can pressure government and business to do the same….” An example of climate flooding in LondonJust because this is a London inititiave doesn’t mean we can’t take steps to do this in our own home towns and cities.

What can you do to help reduce climate change:

1)  Change 10. That’s right – Change a light, and you help change the world. Replace the conventional bulbs in your 10 most frequently used light fixtures with bulbs that have the ENERGY STAR label and you will help the environment while saving money on energy bills. If every household in the U.S. took this one simple action we would prevent greenhouse gases equivalent to the emissions from nearly 20 million cars.

2)  If there is a recycling program in your community, recycle your newspapers, beverage containers, paper and other goods. Use products in containers that can be recycled and items that can be repaired or reused. In addition, support recycling markets by buying products made from recycled materials.

3)  Check your tire pressure regularly. Under-inflation increases tire wear, reduces your fuel economy by up to 3 percent, and leads to increased emissions of greenhouse gases and air pollutants. If you don’t know the correct tire pressure for your vehicle, you can find it listed on the door to the glove compartment or on the driver’s-side door pillar.

4)  Use public transportation, carpool or walk or bike whenever possible to avoid using your car. Leaving your car at home just two days a week will reduce greenhouse gas emissions by an average of 1,600 pounds per year. Whenever possible, combine activities and errands into one trip.

5)  Use less hot water. It takes a lot of energy to heat water. Reducing the amount used means big savings in not only your energy bills, but also in carbon dioxide emissions. Using cold water for your wash saves 500 pounds of carbon dioxide a year, and using a low-flow shower head reduces 350 pounds of carbon dioxide. Make the most of your hot water by insulating your tank and keeping the temperature at or below 120°.

This by means isn’t everythign you can do but its a start. If the gay community can get behind this and take the lead, we can defintely do our part. Way to go Mr. Peter Tatchell for starting this in London, what a great idea for all of us to follow.

Thomas (Official Content Producer – Click Click Expose)

Psycho (Ex) Girlfriends

Have you ever been a psycho girlfriend?

Have you ever had a psycho girlfriend?

I have had my moments.  Somehow the emotional vulnerability associated with intimate relationships lends itself to a lack of poise and decorum.  These days I have whittled my emotionally unhinged behavior down to one week out of the month and no one, other than the furry roommates, are subjected to any outbursts that may occur. Opinions regarding my behavior the other three weeks of the month would probably vary depending on who you ask and when they knew me. I will neither admit nor refute any allegations of misconduct.

Click here to read full post

there are better things out there for me

i know this. i feel it. b/c i was laid off today. one door closes, a window opens.

i wasn’t the only one, either. ten percent of the organization was cut, 18 ppl.

i’ll tell you all, for those of you that don’t know me personally, or don’t know me well, i was miserable for a long time, so i’m looking at this as a blessing, an opportunity, more than anything.

i’m not going to go into it b/c, while i may have what some might call a big mouth (me??? never), i like to keep things classy. (anyway, all the juicy stuff is for my book, so you’re just going to have to wait ) but. i will say the following:

1) i have a sneaking suspicion i’m going to be getting a lot less headaches now.

2) while i’m stressing about cashflow (holly was laid off three weeks before our wedding, so, this doubly sucks) i am overwhelmed w/joy that i will be able to enjoy the season that i am ape-sh*t crazy for: fall.

 as in, i won’t be chained to my (ex) desk in my (ex) windowless office. i’ll be able to actually (gasp!) walk around, go to the park (with holly. during the *day*…sigh), stomp on soon-to-be-crunchy leaves and pet as many puppies as i want w/out any concern for time. as in: no busybody admin ladies who are all oddly obsessed w/my comings and goings noting in their little black admin books when i’ve left and when i return. the delight i feel at the prospect of this …well, i almost have no words for it.

3) twitter. w/said admin busybodies out of my hair, the tweets are unlocked, baby! it is ON! i’m in the process of putting the feed back up. bring it!

and, finally, last but certainly certainly not least:

4) lunch. lunch at home. and i don’t even have to wait til 11:30. (and i can eat it on the roof.)

good night, my lovelies. and to my facebook peeps: a million thanks for the kind words! (turns out facebook isn’t just great for coming out, launching blogs, having Big Fat Gay Weddings (BFGWs) and birthdays. it’s also pretty awesome when you lose your job.) you all are saying what i’ve been thinking since i got the news at 10 this morning, my breakfast barely digested and my to-go coffee mug from home still hot: this is a brand new beginning for me. and i’ll tell you something in case you don’t already know:

i’m completely unsinkable.

and like all those friggin cats that found their way into our walls this winter, i always land on my feet. something wonderful is going to come of this. i don’t know what right now, but it will. and altho i’m stressed in an unfamiliar new way, i have my life back. i. have my life. back. and i’m never going to lose myself like that again.

NEM idol!

Okay, now I don’t know if this is REALLY going to happen, but I think I am auditioning to be a speaker at the rally during the National Equality March on October 11, 2009. For those of you that don’t know, the National Equality March, and rally, is being held for the first time this year, in order to bring as many lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender persons and their families, friends and allies together, to advocate for full, equal, civil, marriage rights. There is no more time to be patient; now is the time to act.

As part of this historic event, which by the way is being held at the same time as the annual Coming Out Day, there will be speakers to address the thousands of persons that are anticipated as attending. And, as part of that energy, people have been invited to audition to be a speaker there, persons that have energy, passion, have a devotion to the LGBT community and its needs, and who want to speak out about it.

Well, let’s see: I have energy, no doubt. Passion, without questions. Devotion? Well, I have been working toward inclusion and understanding for years now, through training, and educating others, including most recently, the church that my family and I attend. I think I am qualified.

But, the question is: do I have the courage to do this? Sure, there could be thousands that try for this, so my chances of being chosen are slim. However, I am willing to try anyway, but what if I were chosen, what then???? Thinking about it makes my stomach feel funny, though I am not sure if that is butterflies of excitement or waves of nausea in anticipation.

What I need to do to try out for this is two things: First, draft a speech of that which I would like to say to get people energized and full of hope to go forward. Then, I have to film myself giving that speech, and send it off to the organizers. They will pick a group of finalists, whose videos will be uploaded onto Youtube and then voted on; whoever gets the most hits, wins!!

I will keep you all posted, and I will probably post my speech at some point, but the thing is, that feels more challenging to me than actually speaking in front of people……

How do I say in three minutes or less how this journey of identity and coming out has brought me to my self, like nothing else in my life? How speaking up and speaking out is now the only way that I can be? How marrying the love of my life would be one of the most anticipated moments for me? How valued and beloved I feel by the Universe, God, and so many persons I have met, who have felt rejected much of their lives?

There is so much in my heart and soul that needs to be said, that should be said, when it comes to equality, love, and justice. Because, that is what this is about, more than love, more than civil rights or pride, is justice, doing the right thing.

Fairness for all.

Wish me luck!!!!

Tonex - The Lexi Interview

OK, so I watched this candid interview and it saddens me that a person can be deceived and puts their feelings above the authority of scripture. This just shows a very low view of scripture.  The sad thing is not so much that he has now openly admitted that he is a homosexual, but that there is no sign of a wish to turn from it, He says that he does not struggle with this sin (which is the sign of a person who is saved).

• He thinks he is going to heaven ‘because he told the truth’ as if his salvation is based on that,
• He has a very scewed view of marriage and covenant
• He thinks that because he touched people by ’carrying people into the presence of the Lord’ that that somehow validates his sin
• Even though he is now living as a homosexual, he is apparently still pastoring thus disqualifying himself of the position

An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseeris entrusted with God’s work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. (Titus 1:6-9)

• He says that he is waiting on God about the situation. Yet there is no need to wait on God as he has explicitly instructed us though scripture that homosexuality and christianity do not mix

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Cor 6:9-10)

24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. 26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. (Romans 1:24-27)

A persons experience NEVER trumps scripture. Scripture determines our doctrine and experience. Not the other way round.

Anyway, have a listen to the interview for yourself

Related Posts:

I’m just keeping it real

Do you love Christian music more than doctrine?

The sad state of gospel music today

Day 2 of Sex : Is it possible to stop being gay?

Day 5 of Sex : Homosexual Questions Uncovered | Passion for Christ Movement – P4CM.com

[Via http://realchristianity.wordpress.com]

In the workplace - is this your experience?

In their “Breaking the Cycle” report, the Lesbian and Gay Foundation identified workplace discrimination, bullying and harassment directed at lgbt people as issues which need to be addressed.

- Direct discrimination in recruitment is often reported by transgender candidates for employment.

- The transitioning stages for transgender employees are frequently handled badly by employers and is seen as a particular time of risk by trans employees, and can result in significant financial impact.

- Few key figures in organisations actually come out as lgbt. If they did, more members of the workforce might feel confident enough to do the same.

- There is a fear that declaring one’s sexuality will blight future promotion prospects. How may lgb people are succeeding in their jobs but at the price of hiding their sexuality?

- Homophobia in the workplace still goes largely unreported, suggesting that people are still not comfortable drawing attention to such activity at work. Reasons suggested are: ‘It would not be taken seriously.’ ‘I don’t know who to report it to.’ ‘The possible reprisals are not worth it.’

The “Breaking the Cycle” report makes the following recommendations:

- All employers must ensure that workplaces are safe and free from harassment for all employees. This should include a pro-active approach to equality for lgbt people.

- All employers should publicly display a statement within the workplace that discrimination on any grounds, including sexual orientation, is unacceptable and will not be tolerated in the workplace.

[Via http://proudtameside.wordpress.com]

This is EPIC

The man who writes my subjects is not lying. This IS epic. This was Sunday, April 19th. It was karaoke at The Drawing Room. It was a night just filled with stuff. I think I cloud easily do these pages as individual posts but I think that part of what makes them great is that they all happened on one night. So here we go. 9 pages.

The first two pages set the scene with some fine-assed ladies. In the lower left is the bartender from the Drawing Room. She is so very hot. AND she gave me her email address. I sent her some pictures from this night. I don’t think she ever wrote me back. But still. Email address. That’s a victory in itself. And the next time I went to Karaoke at the Drawing Room she introduced me to her mom while I was stealing a 10′x20′ area rug. So it’s like I’m part of the family!

Pages 3 and 4 are a verbatim (more or less) transcript of a conversation I had with this particular fine-assed lady. I think she was drunk. I think she might have also been stupid. It is also possible that she was sober and a genius. Actually if she was sober she had to be a genius because that was some of the best acting I’ve ever seen. Shit. I bet she’s a sober genius. She didn’t want to be my girlfriend. She just wanted to make fun of me. I bet she was made to feel small by the power of my performance. Man, what a bitch.

The third set of pages is the only evidence of who I was at the Drawing Room with this night. I wouldn’t have remembered if I didn’t have these pictures. Thanks to the strong-assed drinks made by the fine-assed bartender most Drawing Room nights run together in my mind. On this particular night though, I was there with Natalie and Diane. Diane always hates pictures of herself. I have a tough time not making that personal. Natalie got her butt grabbed by a girl. At least that’s what she claimed. She exaggerates sometimes. After the alleged ass incident, Natalie asked me if she looked like a lesbian. I explained that it is only in very extreme cases of lesbianism that you can tell someone is a lesbian by looking. Most lesbians just look like female humans. Yeah. I’m a champion of gay rights. An Ally if you will.

Pages 7 and 8 are two more fine-assed ladies, one who’s ass was slightly finer than the other. I like my reasons for not taking a picture of her ass. Read them.

And the 9th and final page is me. Being sad about all the fine-assed ladies. I can’t explain it exactly. It is like I live in a world where there are all these ice cream cones floating around. And I really want an ice cream cone. But, I’m too afraid to take the ice cream cones so I go without. So every time I see a particularly delicious looking ice cream cone, like a vanilla soft serve in a cake cone, or a banana strawberry in a sugar cone, or a pralines and cream in a waffle cone, I get a little sad. But of course when ever someone offers me an ice cream cone I slap it out of their hand onto the sidewalk below and go home and watch Mythbusters. So why do I still get sad? I obviously don’t want any damn ice cream cone. Oh my stupid brain. I swear it’s gonna kill me one of these days.

[Via http://jedediahjohnson.wordpress.com]

Amber and Alicia (part two)

Having spent the last week in a state of near-constant arousal, Amber opted for a cold shower to clear her head so she could catch up on some much needed studying. She gasped as the cold hit her skin, struggling to breathe as it’s icy tendrils washed over her. “Fuck this” she said aloud as she turned the temperature back up, relaxing into the warm water. Eyes closed, and humming to herself to block out the thoughts that threatened to drown her, she didn’t hear the bathroom door open and close.

The scream caught in her throat as she opened her eyes to discover a towel-clad Alicia appraising her naked body, embarrassment soon displacing shock. A smile crept over Alicia’s face as she took in Ambers rapidly hardening nipples, and flushed skin, her tongue licking her bottom lip absent mindedly. Amber groaned as Alicia’s towel slithered to the floor, showing the reality of the things she’d only been able to imagine. Slender, tanned legs leading up, up, up, to a perfectly trimmed pussy, flat stomach, and a coffee coloured nipple to match the one she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about.

Amber froze as she caught a glimpse of glistening pink skin as Alicia lifted her leg over the side of the bath to join her in the shower. Breaking her reverie she stumbled forward, dropping to her knees beneath Alicia knowing there was no return from here. She breathed in the sweet, musky scent of her friend as she began to slowly massage her clit with her thumb. “I can’t believe this is happening” she whispered as Alicia laughed saying “If you only knew how long I’ve wanted this”. Talking didn’t last for long as Alicia was soon panting too rapidly to worry about words. Amber drew her up to her full height until they were eye to eye, her fingers never stopping their gentle rhythm. Their lips crushed together, tongues dancing and bodies melting into one another. Dropping back to her knees Amber knew she needed to taste her. Parting the folds gently she flicked her tongue over her clit, tasting the sweetness as she felt Alicia shudder above her.

“Make me cum baby, please”. That was all Amber needed. Sliding a finger inside Alicia’s wet pussy she resumed licking her clit, feeling her rock against her. Ambers cunt was wet and throbbing as Alicia’s moans got louder and more frequent until she plunged her hands into Ambers chestnut curls, bucking violently. As her groans subsided her legs gave way and she found Ambers lips in the shower, tasting herself for the first time. “Your turn now, honey” she said when she finally managed to pull herself away…

[Via http://screamingerotica.wordpress.com]

Senator Franken has thrown down the gauntlet.

So here at DBIH, we all have our talents. Tall is good at buying things and loving them more than the people in her life, Jappy is good at breaking beds, Chef Hooles is, shockingly, quite a chef, and I’m good at stalking celesbians.

And Afrika is good at geography. Really good. Scary good.

But is Senator Al Franken even better?

The gauntlet has been thrown, Afrika. Can you accept the challenge?

[Via http://dearbloginheaven.wordpress.com]

We have returned...

We told you we would, oh ye of little faith. Yes, I’m talking to you Veg Populi- maybe you should stop riding the high of your Mark Bittman salad adventure (The quest for the Lost Ark if you will), and go try to find the freaking Holy Grail. Seriously, it’s time for a new adventure from you. And PS, Elsa was a greedy greedy Nazi. We can all agree on that.

Even her fucking action figure is holding the WRONG GRAIL. Case.Closed.

[Note: for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, watch the last 45 minutes of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, starting roughly at "Jehovah is spelled with an I in Latin" and continuing through Elsa falling into the Great Chasm of Doom, until we learn that "We named the dog Indiana." Then, ask yourself: Did Elsa pick the wrong grail for Walter Donovan because she wanted to fuck with him or because she's a greedy greedy greedy Nazi (aren't they all?) who thought that Jesus would actually like a gold cup to drink out of (as if!)? Answer: she picked the wrong cup because she is a Nazi. She is barely smart enough to ransack her own room, she can't think on her feet fast enough to sabotage the entire Nazi party by picking the wrong cup. Plus, those crazy eyes say it all. If you don't agree with me, take your fucking grievances and stupid theories elsewhere. I don't want to hear them.]

Anyway, moral of the story. DBIH has returned. Do we have a good excuse for taking a month off? We really don’t, we were going to blog (and listen to Jonah Hill/Jeboa’s demo tape), but then we just kept on living our lives. But, duty called, and like Charles De Gaulle and the Free French movement, we answered it. In this metaphor, Paris is DBIH and we are Charles de Gaulle. We will be greeted as liberators. We have returned, and we will kick out the Vichy government (I don’t really have something that Marshall Petain can be in this metaphor, just go with it). Whatever. Bad metaphor. BUT WE’RE BACK. SUCK IT NERDS.

Oh, hai.

[Via http://dearbloginheaven.wordpress.com]

Trans Beauty Pageant

Saturday was a day filled with adventure, new friends, and community support.  

There was transgender beauty pageant on Saturday night that I really wanted to go to.  An acquaintance of mine also expressed interest about going to the pageant, so we decided to make  it a day trip!  I met up with her around 1:00 pm and started our adventure with a 2 hour drive.  Having never really talked before, the conversation in the beginning was a bit forced but we became comfortable with each other pretty quickly.  We stopped along the way to explore a bit, and had a few little adventures.  Once we got to town, we parked and ate lunch at this cute mexican place.  Then, we walked around the town for a while before meeting up with one of her good friends, and her friend’s boyfriend.

I had no real expectations going into the pageant, and it ended up being a really nice event.  There were 8 women competing for the crown. The woman Lorelei who won did a phenomenal job and truly deserved the win!  The event was great for the trans community.  It truly  celebrated these women for being talented beautiful women who are also proud of their transgender status.  I can only imagine the amount of confidence it took for these women to get up in front of an audience, and I am proud to have been there to witness it.

I wish we could be at a point where we as a society didn’t need to have a beauty pageant exclusively for transgender women.  The event was very much focused on the transgender issues, and the transgender status of all of the contestants.  This could be looked at as a negative, because so many transgender men and women just want to be seen as men and women- without the trans precursor.  With that said, it was very empowering to see these women celebrating their transgender status.  As long as we live in a society that is oppressive to the transgender community, events like this need to happen in order to raise awareness and keep the community strong and together.

Throughout the day I had some difficulties with my own gender identity.  The woman I went on the trip with was just an acquaintance, but  I met her in a space where I introduced myself using male pronouns.  I didn’t really think about how my identity was going to be read and it wasn’t even something I was worried about until after we started the drive.  She used female pronouns multiple times in passing, and I felt stuck.  I felt stuck in my presentation, stuck in my authenticity, and stuck in my own more complicated identity.

I was presenting male on Saturday, but I realize that although I was wearing mens clothing I still look pretty feminine.  It distresses me a bit that she read me as being female since I met her in a trans activist group.  I guess it hurts because if she can’t see me as being male, I certainly can’t expect the average cisgender person to.  From there, I became anxious about saying anything because I didn’t feel authentic enough I suppose.  I do identify as being transgender.  Not a day goes by when I don’t question gender to the core of my being, but for someone who doesn’t know my history it may come off as inauthentic?

There was this moment when the four of us headed to the bathroom.  I was faced with the ever so important decision, which bathroom do I use?  I find that since I don’t pass as male it is much safer and more comfortable to suck it up and use the women’s bathroom in a multi stall facility.  When there are single stalls however, I almost always use the Men’s.  Anyway, so here I was trying to figure out what to do.  Logically it made way more sense to follow my two new female friends into the women’s rest room while my friends boyfriend uses the men’s room.  I also thought about going into the men’s room too and really shaking things up since they saw me as being female.  I didn’t really know what to do and my anxiety kicked in.  I decided not to use the bathroom at all.  And as I painfully learned when I had to pee during the pageant, I made a stupid decision.  I realize it really doesn’t matter what bathroom I use at any given time as long as it is a safe option for me.  If I pass 80% of the time as a woman, I should use the woman’s and if I pass %80 of the time as a man I should use the men’s.  Problem solved (haha I wish it was that easy!).

On the drive back my new friend and I started to talk about gender identity.  I did quite a lot of listening and heard a fair amount of her gendered history.  I mentioned a few things, but didn’t feel like getting into it.  It will be interesting when I see her at the next meeting and I introduce myself with male pronouns.

As a side note, I’m going to be working more closely with the transgender rights organization over the school year and will have my own project to plan and implement.  I’m excited to jump more deeply into the cause, but it will be interesting to see what it feels like to be using male pronouns with all of the contacts I meet through that internship.  I’m still struggling to figure out if it is even appropriate to use male pronouns.  I started using them because I don’t identify with female pronouns, and gender neutral ones are unfortunately not very practical.  Using male pronouns was really the only way to avoid female pronouns.  I don’t think that I have to identify as being 100% male to use male pronouns.

-Goddess Lacey

[Via http://goddesslacey.wordpress.com]

I'd rather be gay, than a freak

Aaron and my sister felt all was accomplished.  My sister left our home thinking a job well done on her part and symbolically speaking patting herself on her back.  I on the other hand knew this was just the beginning.  The beginning of what I did not know, nor did I know how long or where this journey would take us.

I spoke later that evening with my husband after Aaron had gone to sleep. I told him of the day’s events.  Now was the time to get real, and to do so fast.  Time would not be on our side.  I had to convince my, “all he has to do is exercise” husband that Aaron’s breasts were not due to Aaron’s weight or exercise routine.  Aaron’s breasts were those of a female and larger than my breasts.  They were larger than the breasts women pay plastic surgeons for breast enhancement surgery.   His female-like nipples were large in circumference, quite opposite of small male nipple.   His hips were rounding.  He was now in the 7th grade and his voice was becoming more like a woman.  His skin was as I said, peaches and cream.  There was no male voice box developing, or fine hair patches developing on his face.  Females tend to reach puberty sooner than males. This was the exact time a female would enter puberty.  Our son was going through female adolescence and there was no stopping this train.

A weary and long night of heated discussion between my husband and myself ended in compromise.  I was in the business of diabetes and the endocrine system.  I knew the entire specialist groups of endocridology in our large city.  We agreed I was to make an appointment with a Pediatric Endocrinologist.  I worked closely with the best Pediatric Endocrinologist in the city. The next morning I made an appointment for Aaron to see him for the first time as a patient.  They were able to fit him in soon, since I was acquainted with everyone.

The day came when we took Aaron to the hospital where he would meet with his specialist and have a battery of tests run.  Everyone was kind to Aaron; he had been in their office several times before on, “Take Your Child to Work Day.”  This time it was different.  I could feel the tension in the air.  Aaron was young enough, he now he hated his new appearance and his voice tone.  All Aaron cared about was getting back to “normal.”  They drew blood, took X-Rays of his hand to determine his adult size, and multiple examinations.  I waited nervously with the clinic’s head nurse, Leah; and she tried to reassure me all would be all right.  I felt, the more encouragement Leah gave, the more doubt reflected from her face.  Aaron’s tests were over and we rescheduled a return visit to receive his results.

Our scheduled return date had arrived; the results of Aaron’s tests and examinations were available for review and discuss Aaron’s options.  Our little family went together as a unit to hear the news.  My husband, my son, and myself sat down in front of the physicians massive meticulously hand carved wooden desk.  The beauty of his office did not draw our attention away from the reason we were there.  The doctor came in and we exchanged our niceties.  I was in no mood to wait and spouted out, “Well, let’s get on with it, what’s Aaron’s prognosis?”  It was just as I feared; Aaron was producing high amounts of estragon (the female hormone) and almost no testosterone (the male hormone.)

The physician began to explain what was happening to Aaron’s body, why, and what we could do about the situation.  Aaron had physically changed so much; we withdrew him from school and began home schooling.  The kids at his junior high were beginning to tease him for his large breasts and feminine traits.  Aaron’s specialist explained to us Aaron was producing excessive estrogen due to the female glands in his breasts.  The only way the production of estrogen would cease was Aaron would need to undergo a radical double mastectomy.  Since Blaine was so young, he felt Blaine’s excess skin could be removed and his chest would grow into any extra loose skin.  The Endocrinologist handed me a business card of a Pediatric Surgeon who specialized specifically in Aaron’s situation.   He informed us Aaron’s adult height would be 6’6”.  They knew this because of his hand X-Ray.  They measure the growth plates in the child’s hand and can calculate the person’s ultimate height.  Aaron is 25 years old now and in fact he is 6’6”.

We gathered in the sitting room of our home discussing our newfound information.  Ultimately my husband and I felt, it was Aaron’s body, and he was the person who ultimately would be affected in life with the major surgeries facing him.  My husband and I were blessed financially to provide the funding for any future procedures Aaron and his plastic surgeon felt was necessary.  The insurance companies, felt this was not a necessary procedure, they considered it, “cosmetic.”   I do not understand how any insurance company would consider a male child developing in adolence as a female, would be considered “cosmetic.”  These surgeries were necessary because in the future, if left unchecked, all female diseases would and still may apply to our son.  This includes, breast cancer, osteoporosis and any other diseases which affects the female population greater than the male population.  I feel the same of insurance companies covering the pill, Viagra for men, yet they do not cover birth control for women.  These procedures were necessary for Aaron’s mental well-being as much as his physical short and long term health.

Aaron made the decision he desperately wanted to proceed with the surgeries that lay ahead.  Five surgeries, and five years later, the surgeries were complete.  His plastic surgeon said his breasts were the largest she had ever removed from a male patient.  The complete removal of his breast and glands took two grueling surgeries.  Aaron would need recovery time between each surgery.   His nipples were inverted, even before the first surgery.  Special filler was placed under each nipple, to keep them from inverting.  The reason this was necessary was because the inverted nipples became infected.  Typically nipples have tissue under the nipple, in Aaron’s case they did not.  To reduce the size of the nipple, they had to be removed from his now flat chest and trimmed to the size of a male nipple and replaced.  Then the estrogen slowed way down and the testosterone increased.  This was what we were hoping would happen.  When a male waits until he is older, he misses the chance of producing his own testosterone and will take testosterone injections for life.  Fortunately, Aaron did not miss his window of opportunity.  His testosterone kicked in and his voice dropped, he grew an Adam’s apple, and grew male facial and body hair.  He still had female fat around the middle section and was not and would never be able to acquire a “six pack” (the muscles visible under the skin on a male’s chest.)

High School came and his shoulders were narrower than his hips.  These surgeries were optional, in other words they would not affect his health.  However, to look more male, he decided to have what ended being two more liposuction type surgeries.  Both surgeries concentrated on his mid- section.  The first surgery was to remove the typical female belly fat.  The second surgery was to shape and contour his upper torso to look male.  By this time Aaron felt good about himself.  He felt “normal” again.  He could have undergone one more surgery, hip reduction.  He decided against it. He was happy with the outcome of his other surgeries.  However, he still speaks about hip reduction and if he chooses, will undergo one more surgery.

I asked Aaron not long ago, if he was happy with the decision he made so very long ago.  He looked at me and with tears in his eyes, he said, “I would rather be gay than a freak.”

¶ Please feel free to add any questions or comments.

[Via http://behindthewhitemask.wordpress.com]

Caledonia!

A scene from my youth – Caledonia, Ontario – where we lived for a few years. I had a lot of ‘firsts’ there – first makeout session, first movie, first album, first cigarette, first pajama party… We live in a small subdivision and we were in a single row of houses with farmland all around us. I just remember it being a lot of fun. I attended Caledonia Public School from Grade 4 to halfway through Grade 6, when we moved to Windsor, Ontario.

It's a lot more built up now.

[Via http://mynewassignment.wordpress.com]