CBS reportedly told a gay dating site that its proposed Super Bowl ad would be reviewed for possible airing and would be considered if a spot becomes available.
ManCrunch.com submitted a 30-second commercial to CBS on Jan. 18 and, as of Jan. 22, CBS reportedly said “the spot hadn’t been officially approved yet” by the network standards and that all spots for the big game on Feb. 7 had been sold out, according to Fox News. But CBS agreed to consider running the ad if an advertiser dropped out.
The ad involves two men watching the Super Bowl when their hands touch as they reach into a chip bowl. The two men then begin to kiss each other as another man sitting nearby watches in shock.
In response to the purported ad, a spokesperson for the conservative pro-family group American Family Association said it would be “totally irresponsible” of the network to air the ad during the most watched TV program of the year.
“CBS should not put parents in the position of answering embarrassing and awkward questions from their children while they’re just trying to enjoy a football game,” said Tim Wildmon, president of AFA, in a statement Thursday. “CBS should quit dithering around and reject this ad out of hand.”
In addition to pressure from pro-family groups, CBS is also coming under fire from pro-choice groups for approving an ad featuring college football star Tim Tebow and his mom, Pam.
Though the exact content of the ad has not been revealed, many are speculating that it will recount Pam Tebow’s refusal to have an abortion while she was pregnant with Tim despite having suffered from a life-threatening infection at the time.
Focus on the Family, which produced the ad, said earlier this month that Pam Tebow would share a personal story centered on the theme of “Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life.”
“The Tebows said they agreed to appear in the commercial because the issue of life is one they feel very strongly about,” Focus on the Family reported.
“Tim and Pam share our respect for life and our passion for helping families thrive,” added Focus on the Family president and CEO Jim Daly.
Focus on the Family’s Super Bowl ad, which still needs to receive final confirmation, will be Christian group’s first Super Bowl commercial.
Super Bowl broadcasts are typically viewed by over 90 million people each year.
This year’s Super Bowl, which pits the Indianapolis Colts against the New Orleans Saints, will kick off at 6 p.m. ET on Sunday, Feb. 7.
A while back I posted about how Fresno has some deep-seeded problems that need addressing. Well it seems that the entire Central Valley is looking down the barrel of a very long and troublesome gun. An article entitled “The Appalachia of the West” in this week’s Economist details that the Valley’s problems could just be beginning:
Farming will not disappear, but whether it will be as big as it is now is a question, says Mr Phillimore, adding that “If the agriculture goes away, there is nothing.” In the San Joaquin valley agriculture provides almost 20% of the jobs. The alternatives are depressing and scant. For example, many of California’s prisons are sited in the Central Valley’s wide expanses, in what is sometimes called an “archipelago”.
A big problem is that the workforce in the Central Valley is badly educated, says Carol Whiteside, the founder of the Great Valley Centre, a not-for-profit organisation whose aim is to improve the region. The largest farms are often still owned by the families that arrived a century or so ago—the descendants of Portuguese and Dutch immigrants are big in dairy farms, for example. But most of the whites tend to be “Okies” who arrived from the dust bowl of the Great Plains during the depression, such as the fictional Joad family in John Steinbeck’s “The Grapes of Wrath”, who drove up and down in search of work on the stretch of Highway 99 where Paramount Farms now sits.
Economically, socially and educationally, their descendants have barely moved up. Nor have more recent immigrant groups such as the Hmong, Thai and Mien, who came to work in the fields during the 1970s and now live in Central Valley cities such as Stockton, Fresno and Modesto—or, of course, the Mexicans, who have been coming since then and are now the majority of workers in the fields, where Spanish is the common language.
These demographic trends, combined with the water shortage, are causing worry. The Central Valley is already one of the poorest regions of the country. And its population, about 6.7m in 2008, is among the fastest-growing; it is expected to double in the next 40 years, as new immigrants continue to pour in looking for farm work.
This has led to comparisons with Appalachia, which has also relied on a declining extractive industry (coal mining) and has suffered from high unemployment, poverty and a relatively unskilled workforce. A report commissioned by Congress in 2005 argued that the San Joaquin valley is in some respects behind Appalachia’s coal country in diversifying its economy.
So yesterday the Plaintiff’s rested. However they went out with a bang… or at least as much of one is possible in a federal courtroom:
The plaintiffs’ attorneys closed their case by playing excerpts from two simulcasts that were broadcast to gatherings of evangelical voters during the Prop 8 campaign. These simulcasts were sponsored and paid for by ProtectMarriage.com, the official Yes on 8 campaign organization. In the portions shown, one speaker said, “The polygamists are waiting in the wings, because if a man can marry a man and a woman can marry a woman, the polygamists are going to use that exact same argument and they probably are going to win.” Another speaker referred to a man marrying a horse, and a third speaker compared the impact of permitting same-sex couples to marry to the 9/11 attacks.
The videos of these outrageous statements, made in a forum sponsored and paid for by the official Yes on 8 campaign, provided a fitting end to the plaintiffs’ case. It brought the focus back to the long history of demonization the LGBT community has faced in the public sphere– from the grim historical events described in Professor George Chauncey’s testimony two weeks ago to the themes of the Yes on 8 campaign, as shown in today’s videos and the highly inflammatory testimony of Prop 8 proponent Dr. Bill Tam. The plaintiffs have done an admirable job of laying out the case that Prop 8 was a product of the same kind of prejudice that has driven many other anti-gay laws throughout our nation’s history.
Which means today the Protect Marriage people started up their case. Which consisted of calling a professor they characterized as “an expert on the political power of gay men and lesbians in California and nationally” however I don’t think they did their research on this one:
In addition to offering a surprisingly superficial account of political power, Prof. Miller made several admissions that undermined his credibility as an expert. Under a withering cross-examination by David Boies, Prof. Miller admitted that, at the time of his deposition, he did not know how many states prohibited sexual orientation discrimination. He did not recognize many of the leading scholars on gay politics and history, and acknowledged that he had not read their work. He could not offer an opinion on whether gay people have more political power than African-Americans, even though much more of his scholarship has dealt with the African-American community than the LGBT community. He also declined to comment on the level of prejudice and negative stereotyping LGBT people face compared to other groups such as African-Americans or women. Prof. Miller did concede that lesbians must face more prejudice than other women, however, because they experience discrimination on the basis of both gender and sexual orientation.
Boies also questioned Prof. Miller at length about articles Prof. Miller has authored or coauthored that are critical of the initiative process. In fact, at times, it almost seemed that Prof. Miller might have been offered as an expert by the plaintiffs on the dangers of the initiative process. For example, Prof. Miller has written that initiatives violate the democratic norms of openness, fairness, and accountability and tend to preclude compromise and informed deliberation. When asked if he still agreed with those statements, Prof. Miller agreed that he did. He also acknowledged that initiatives are particularly troubling when they target disfavored minorities.
I really wish this had been broadcast, I’d love to see the faces of the Protect Marriage attorney’s as their case got torn to shreds…
so sleepy. a flowery background does not conduce to any kind of good dream, specially when the flowers are pink and green. my love for kistch has been overpowered by my lack of sleep, my need for some feng shuey up in here. there’s no question that the lights flickering out the window, through the flimsy courtains hide lovers’ shadows, up and down, blocking and unblocking the light from the tv set. i would like to peek in, i would like to have that life, of sweat and sorrow. nothing would delight me more than a stalker or getting stood up, or your hands through my hair, after i shave my legs, of course. never mind the dots circles and guns painted on the walls, you can turn the lights off and kiss me. your boyfriend won’t find out if we pretend it never happened. you know, i don’t think i’ve ever fucked a girl with blue eyes.
my aunt called me skinny today, i saw her for two hours at an airport. i decided to dye my hair a lighter color brown.
Most of us know from a very young age we are Queer. It’s like this: we look around and we see Heteronormativity everywhere. Which is like everything and everyone screaming to us ” 2+ 2 =5″. And we’re thinking “errr…no, 2 + 2 =4…but your 4 is different from my 4″. But this happens long enough , the screaming that is and eventually with much reluctance in line with humouring a crazy person, we shake our heads and say “Ok! 2 + 2 = 5, but this feels wrong”. So we get along with our lives, grow up, all the while thinking the whole world can’t bloody count! But this is where the Internet comes in. I belong to a generation that both has and did not have the internet. But lets say, I had it from a good age ( or maybe not. it was 56 Kbps with a dial-up modem, you know that one that sounds like a bugs bunny cartoon ? ) But with the explosion of the web ( two point oh, n point oh… blah blah ) Queers everywhere were connected. Lets be honest, growing up for the most part all we needed was information to understand and to make ourselves feel better and not alone. Going to the local library did NOT do that. Unless you had something in common with the librarian and she ‘helped’ you out.Sorry, I am digressing. And, no that did not happen to me. But what I am getting at is when so much information is a click away – Being Queer feels communal. Not easier. Just more OK.
So what does the Big Queer Web offer us ? Plenty, well for starters there is YouTube. Where do I even start ? Well at the beginning, Sometime in ‘96 or ‘97 I remember reading in those little news bites on the last page of India Today Magazine about Nishat Saran’s self-documentary “Summer in my Veins” where he came out to his mother and saw it shortly after. Sadly, Nishat passed away in 2002 in a car crash. A while back I discovered it again on YouTube and while it is only 20 minutes long, It offered me reassurance at a time when I could not conceive of how I could reconcile myself with being Queer. Watch it:
Apart from this, there is plenty – Coming out stories, advice, video clips of two women kissing (OMG. They actually do that?) , I like this one by the Beaver Bunch’s Michelle with her mom about Coming Out. Plenty Plenty Plenty. But YouTube is pretty darn new. Well before that, After Ellen ( or AfterElton for you gentlemen) came onto the scene – the After Ellen we see now is very different from the one at the very beginning but it was enough. It has literally transformed from scraps of information that were put together by Sarah Warn and folks to the lesb-o-rama/deluge of media it offers these days. Quite something! Oooook, but what about before 2002? Well before 2002, from the mid 90’s there was Amazon by which I mean there were books ( For any young ones, its a thing you hold in your hand and flip after which a new page emerges on the other side ). One book I would recommend is Beyond Acceptance. Sure its a little depressing in the end and does focus on one religion when it speaks about religion which may not apply to a lot of us, but 3/4ths of the book is worth having or better yet, worth giving.
This post could go on and on so maybe I will continue this a bit later, but if you have any thoughts, I would love to hear them. Leave a comment/send me an e-mail !
I read an article in my University’s newspaper today (Howard University to be exact. *Howard Hand* wooop! wooop!) Ok that’s enough now. Any who, it begged the question “Is bisexuality becoming a new trend?” or something to that effect. I laughed, because bisexuality has been a trend for the past 5 years. I know when I was in high school girls were “coming out the closet” left and right. Although, only about 10% of the girls were telling the truth ..smh. But it was still a trend back then. It would be a better question to ask whether or not it’s a trend to be straight these days.
I just can’t see sexual orientation as being a trend. That’s kinda messed up if you think about it. It’s like saying being clinically obese is a trend. Being clinically obese is never a favorable option and most people who are clinically obese probably can’t help it.
In my opinion bisexuality is not a trend, because I don’t think people can choose who they are attracted to. It’s funny though, because some girls say things like “I’m not gay, I just want to see how it is to be with a girl” They will swear up and down that they are as straight as a line. No sweetie..you have a label as well..its call BI-CURIOUS.
I want some thoughts from you though. How do you feel about bisexuality? Is it a choice or is it something that just is? Do you feel bisexual people are just trying to play both sides of the field? I just want imput!
I guess if I should promise an update I should actually follow through on it hm? Well, better late than never…
The Break-Up
Everyone should know that Stephanie and I did in-fact get back together. It was an awkward beginning to something I should have never gotten into. I didn’t see her as more than a girl to date. I know how it sounds (Wow Katie, you really are an asshole), but please let me explain.
I made every effort to make whatever we had work, no matter how many tries there were (which was 3). The first two times she pushed me father and father away into this desolate desert where I scorched myself from trying to stick it out in every situation she put me in. Fell off a horse–I drove 3 hours to her grandfather’s ranch to sit another 2 hours in the E.R. Family problems at 4 am–I always answered the phone to listen and let her vent. She wanted to meet my family–I paid for her greyhound to come visit my brother and sister-in-law. She talked about a future together. She talked about living together, getting a cat (or some kind of pet) together,and just more adult things I’m just not ready to experience. To be honest, it’s not that I’m afraid to experience any of those things, but I’m only in my second year of college! By my rate of nerdiness (I’ve already started my junior year this semester), I’ll graduate just a tad bit earlier. I want to soak in all the college life I can! If that means dating around or being single most of the time, then so be it! I’m perfectly happy spending times with friends and having THEM be my Valentine’s or Secret Santa or whatever the holiday may “require”. I’m sure without a shadow of a doubt they are better than any passer-by girlfriend I may have at the moment.
So anyway, that’s my reasoning for why I broke up with Stephanie. When I broke it down to her, she got really dramatic saying things such as, “I broke down all my walls for you! I did all this just for YOU!” I took the blame because it was easier for her to accept that I’m just a perpetual asshole than turning around to say, “I don’t want a long term commitment with YOU”. I figured it was the better of two evils…
The Cougar
Last year I made it a task to get new jeans that actually fit. For the past few months (at the time) I’d worn guy jeans, and they were not flattering at all. My friends kindly let me know of this at all times too, haha. So, I made it my mission to find girl jeans that were my style. I first hit up American Eagle and found one pair, and I decided to purchase them for safe keeping. I figured finding pairs of jeans my style AND size were going to be rare to find. I went to a few different stores and hit jackpot at Express. They had a sale and JUST the jeans I had been hunting. Knowing I went over budget, I had to cough over the AE jeans I initially bought. The cashier needed a manager’s over-ride and there came Cougar.
From that moment forward we’ve just had immense chemistry. There’s always been a feeling that we could be something, but we find the age barrier to be something more than a kiddie fence. It’s more like the Great Wall of China–doesn’t really have a purpose anymore, but yet still keeps people in awe when they first look at it. I’m sure if this was really going to work out, we’d look past both of our ages and go for it. But we’re nervous. I find that she’s always bringing up my age in a fashion where I can’t justify her taking that risk other than the cliche, “Age ain’t nothin’ but a number!” or my favorite, “Yeah, but I’m cute! Just look at my dimples!” or “Least you won’t have to worry about a DD for a while.” All 3 responses get me a cute little laugh and a smile to finish, but at the same time I don’t think it’ll actually go anywhere. It doesn’t effect me though. Least there’s always someone to flirt-text.
Part of my story, my herstory….well…history…just trying to be funny… started in 1996. Technically, long before that…even as young as 9. I always thought there was something different. As a kid I didn’t have tons of friends and I was a tom-boy. I use to like to go outside without a shirt like my guy friends until I was about 6-7 and my Mom put a stop to that. In high school I developed feelings for a female student teacher. I thought for sure I was a pervert.
After graduating high school, I went to college and became active in a campus church ministry. I always thought, and perhaps said, that if I wasn’t a Christian I would be a lesbian. Well, several years later…in 1996…while I was still active in a local church and had lots of friends, and had been engaged at one point, I read a book by Max Lucado called In the Grip of Grace. Like many girls and women, I had experienced some abuse while growing up. After reading Max’s book, I felt a freedom from the guilt and shame I had held on to for several years. I finally felt this huge burden of shame lifted and I could finally be myself.
So, I came out as a lesbian. I doubt Max thought that would happen as a result of reading his book. It was a time when I felt that I didn’t have to hide behind guilt and shame and a time to just be me. And “me” was a lesbian. I went on so many blind dates it was crazy. I didn’t have a computer so I was using these voicemail personal ads. It was fun, new, and exciting. I had some lesbian friends that were guiding me as I was discovering who I was and what I wanted.
I still attended church. And I still had lots of friends in church. I wasn’t shy about telling them I was a lesbian. I practically screamed it from the rooftops. Friends everywhere were very concerned and tried to dissuade me from the “lifestyle.” A pastor and friend met with me and advised me as to why it was wrong and how they were willing to help me get out of it. My membership was revoked, but I didn’t care. It was just buracracy to me. I continued going to church but was hanging out primarily with my lesbian friends.
After a year of dating, there came a crisis of faith. I couldn’t reconcile my faith with my feelings. So, I stopped dating and was whole-heartedly back into the church scene and growing in Christ. Over the next several years I “fell off the wagon” a few times. My last lesbian relationship was in 2001. I haven’t dated anybody since. I’ve been serving as a Worship Leader since 2003. I’ve led several small groups, grown and matured personally, and still like the idea of finding a partner for life. But, it gets confusing as to whether or not I want that partner to be a man or a woman. By faith, I want a husband.
As of now, I’m single and not pursuing any relationships. Granted I have other issues. Some of those new issues may be a result of not really dealing with my identity. And my identity is confused more by the fact that I have Swyer’s Syndrome. I have not had hormonal treatments but did have the “gonadal streaks,” that were suppose to be ovaries, removed when I was 17. The funny thing, I thought it was called Sawyer’s Syndrome…and nobody had ever heard of Sawyer’s Syndrome. It was just about 4 years ago that I found out it’s called Swyer’s. This new-found information threw me for a loop, especially as I was doing Google searches on Swyer’s Syndrome.
Well, this has been a very long post. This is part of my story. Most of my posts won’t be nearly this long. But, someone had asked what I meant by former lesbian and thought I would share this portion of my story.
I think my gaydar is on the fritz. From lack of use.
First, it’s winter. Lesbians hibernate in this neck of the woods from December – April.
The book group I loosely participate in (I’m picky about what I’m forced to read, what can I say?) canceled for today and it almost caused me to hyperventilate. I read the book (hated it from the intro on because it reminded me too much of the reading list from my college Women’s Studies seminar…) but was looking forward to being convinced otherwise.
Second, I’m convinced there’s no ‘new blood’ that’s joined the local tribe. Hello — it’s Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky. No one moves here for the sheer joy of it. You’re either born and raised here and choose to never escape, or you come coupled from the get go and join the ‘unseen’ tribe.
I love my (our) friends. Really. Wouldn’t trade them for anything. They’re highly entertaining. Especially those with new puppies, those buying/selling houses and those contemplating parenthood. They feed my soul.
I really don’t understand what irks people about gays or lesbians getting married. Ok I get where the religious people get their views from but why should be illegal in the constitution of a country? Isn’t there supposed to be separation of church and state? In America it is pretty much legal to be gay but some states, e.g New York, still don’t allow marriage???Im confused. They’re already dating and doing “other” things…not like anything will change when they get married. Delaying the inevitable guys!
Anyway that’s another argument….
Recently my home country has been hit with the gay debate because a male couple took it upon themselves to challenge the laws by getting married (a traditional marriage not a legal one). And because my country is so conservative,same sex marriage (or same sex relationships for that matter) are against the law so they have been arrested and now await trial.They face 14 years of prison and more if proof that the marriage has been consummated is found.
Amnesty International has said the men should be released because their arrest infringes on their human rights (one shall not be discriminated in regard to their gender,religion,sexual orientation etc). One of the websites of a popular Malawi Newspaper published the story and what baffled me was the comments!
Omg there are some dumb short sighted people out there!Some of the comments are funny,others just piss you off. Its akin to arguing with a 5 year old. They don’t have the mental capacity to carry a well thought out argument with you. If you’re gonna be against something and publicly proclaim your position,PLEASE SPEAK SOME SENSE!!!Otherwise I may as well be talking to a monkey.
The overwhelming theme of the arguments against gay marriage (or gays in general) was that Malawi is a God fearing nation and we do not partake in such “unclean” acts. Ha! Do they count married men dating young girls as God fearing?What about the illegal prostitutes that walk the streets at night? What about the number of witch craft cases you hear about in the papers?? What about the AIDS statistics that our country is blessed with? Are those the results of the behaviour of God fearing people? People really need to wake up.
Then there were those racist ass holes who somehow find a way to blame it on white people.Ugh,I won’t even address that.
Then some others seem to think gayness can be spread like a disease. My we have come a long way haven’t we?! And to think this is the year 2010, smh.
Then others seem to think gay people just “change their minds” one day and become gay.If that’s the case then everyone should be able to do that right?But when you ask these people who say that whether they can decide to be gay tomorrow they give u a disgusted look and spit profanities at you. So why then do they think other people would do that? Their logic fails me.
Evidently my country is not ready for such changes.These are the type of buffoons who attack people and kill them simply because they are gay. Backwards behavior. We’ve still got a looooooooooooooooong way to go….
Good morning everybody! One of our readers sent me a letter yesterday, which he wrote following Prop 8 in California for the now infamous “LDS Apology” website. This reader, and others like him define to me what Mormonism is truely all about, and I’m thrilled to have his permission to share this with you.
If you have a story you’d like to tell, let me know! You can contact me directly at ethingtoneric@hotmail.com.
One man’s journey pulling his Mormon faith from the closet.
I have said more than once throughout my life that I am glad that I am not gay because I would not know how to reconcile the gospel with my orientation. Because I am not gay I never felt the need to address these contradictions, in the words of my Bishop, “putting my uneasiness on the shelf.” This changed when my wife of thirteen years came out to me.
Bloody Knuckles
“To those who say that this practice or any other evil is incurable, I respond: “How can you say the door cannot be opened until your knuckles are bloody, till your head is bruised, till your muscles are sore?”
-Spencer W. Kimble
I was married thirteen and half years. My wife and I have 4 beautiful children. I met my wife when I came home from my mission and she was leaving on hers. I waited for her. We were married five months after she returned home. We shared common values. We were both committed to the church and each other.
When I asked her to marry me I did so because I believed God told me too. I still believe God told me too. I will never regret that decision. I remember going to the Manti Temple I had been praying and had fasted to know if I should marry her. I went to the prayer circle. During the prayer I felt the distinct impression that I would have to be crazy not to marry her. I also knew at that moment that we would have struggles I did not understand at that moment.
We were married when my wife had one year left at BYU and I had two. We prayed together and on our own. We had family home evening and studied our scriptures. We always attended church. We also went to the temple often. We always struggled in our marriage. Although we were very committed to each other and constantly talked for hours we always had huge struggles in our marriage. My wife says she knew I was passionately devoted to her, and she went into marriage hoping that my passion and love would help her one day to feel the same. I could tell that see did not yearn for me. I continually felt like a failure, but did not want to ever acknowledge my fears. I guess I have been of the fake it till you make it ilk for a long time. My wife felt like a failure for not feeling the passion for me that I felt for her. We hated ourselves for our perceived ineffectiveness. We both felt blamed by the other person. My wife even felt degraded by every part of our physical relationship, even kissing and holding hands, but still did everything she knew how to do to try and over come these issues. I felt like a complete failure. I knew she did not love me. I wanted her to want me and to need me. I settled for her appreciating me. I thought about suicide many times during those years. Many times I prayed all night asking: How things will ever work out? What can I do more? Why did you want us to get married? I can not tell you how many times I prayed all night about these issues or that we stayed up all night talking trying to work things out. Some times I would just walk all night.
I think of the words of Alma:
“But behold, as the seed sweelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, then you must needs say that the seed is good: for behold it swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow. And now, behold, will not this strengthen your faith? Yea, it this strengthen your faith: for ye will say I know that this is a good seed: for behold it sprouteth and beginneth to grow.”
How long before a good seed would start to grow? I knew nothing else to do to help it to grow.
We did have many good times together, but our struggles were always troubling us. We both went to counselors at different times in our marriage, hoping to get help. Though we always worked at talking we would go long periods of time when one or both of us would stop trying to have a physical relationship.
When we had been married for about 12 years we experienced one of these periods that lasted just over 18 months. My wife had shared with me that she did not know why but she had absolutely no sexual desire at all. I believed it was wrong for me to ask for intimacy when it would be only one sided. I eventually started sleeping on the couch because it was too much for me to lay next to her in bed. During all this time we attended church, had family prayer, family home evening, went to the temple together, and spent long hours together talking.
At this time I felt hugely guilty for my sexual desire. I believed that anyway that I could express them would be evil or sin. I believed it was wrong to approach my wife with them, it was definitely wrong to go to anyone else, and I believed it was wrong to masturbate. I started feeling insane with my sexual desire. I even prayed for sexual desire to be taken away. This seemed to only make them increase. During this time I went to stake priesthood meeting the theme was internet porn. This was a temptation for me and I knew to resist these temptations, but I was on the verge of tears because I wanted them to tell me how to get rid of this insane desire. I hoped in vain for some guidance. Maddingly, none came. I was sitting next to my elder’s quorum president during this meeting. I think I really worried him. The very next Sunday he taught a lesson on forgiveness, how no matter what we have done God loves us and we can be forgiven, some how this message did not really address my issues.
Finally, I just remembered the words of a close friend I had taught with years before, Charles. Charles had been raised in the church, and served a mission. After years in the church his wife he had married in the temple left him. This spurned a trial of his faith that had lasted for years. At one point he chose to start drinking coffee. After that he never really felt comfortable attending, but he said he still asked himself everyday if God was Mormon? When he shared with me about his struggle with the word of wisdom I said something to the effect that the word of wisdom was not my issue, but I had others. He asked what they were. I said my sexual desire. He said remember God gave you that desire. When I remembered these words I decided to stop trying to make these feelings go away. It was like turning off a light. Not that my desire went away it just came down to a level I could deal with. I could function. I was no longer going crazy. I could even sleep next to my wife.
Soon after I came to this realization, my wife shared with me that she had come to understand that she was gay. I had never seen such happiness and self-acceptance in her eyes. I could not help but be happy for her. I also, selfishly, felt relief to think that I was not a failure. I felt the spirit confirm to me that homosexuality was not a malignancy or a mistake. I knew in my heart that God created her homosexual. This knowledge is where my journey began. To see her happiness I knew it is how God made life to be. We are made to be happy. We are not made to live in misery.
We attempted to resume our physical relationship in a limited way. She believed that when she felt enough physical desire she could come to me and we could have a sexual experience. Yes, she has been able to have a sexual experience with me. Just as I am sure even though I am not attracted to men if I was sexual with a man I’m sure I could climax, but it would always feel wrong, bad, even degrading. It became obvious that this was happening with her. We both came to the conclusion separately that we could no longer pursue a physical relationship with each other, amazingly this one step started to bring us closer together. I guess at this point we threw out the bad seed. We knew we would never have a romantic relationship. I now understand that because our physical relationship was one sided it was also degrading and abusive to my wife and ultimately to both of us, therefore it only drove us apart. I believe ending our romantic relationship made it possible for me to make changes so our communication could become effective and caring. We planted a new seed. We began building a different relationship as only friends so we could be better partners as parents. This seed is rooted in the understanding that God created my wife as a homosexual and she is not going to change. This seed started growing immediately. It has continued to this day, and we enjoy the fruit of that seed today and I am grateful for what our relationship has become.
Mourn With Those Who Mourn
Our local Bishop has been supportive to my wife since she came out to him. He is a very kind man. He gave my wife a pamphlet entitled “God Loves His Children”. In this pamphlet it encourages members that struggle with “same sex attraction” to only share their orientation with their bishop and maybe a close family member. I struggled with this council. I believe it is given in the spirit of protecting homosexual members. Still, we are asking members of the church to keep secret what Elder Wickman describes as a “core characteristic”. Are we not taught that it is the devil that operates in secret?
Sitting in church I have heard many members say things I know are not intended to hurt anyone, but they come across to me as hurtful to homosexual members. One of the problems I believe is that the speakers of these statements do not know that there are homosexuals in the room.
On many occasions I would sit in church seeing all the married couples in the ward, and realizing that they all think that my wife and I have the same type of relationship they do. Not that I think our relationship is anything to be ashamed of. In fact I believe our relationship is something very beautiful. It hurts to realize that I am being dishonest with everyone there.
It also hurts to know that not one of these people has any idea of who I am. How can any of these people mourn with me when I mourn?
How much more pronounced is this experience for the gay member sitting hoping that no one finds out who they really are because they may be hated?
Why do we come together to worship?
Why do we have a ward family?
I think Alma described it well, when he spoke about being willing to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort. How can a homosexual member receive any of the benefits from having a faith community, a ward family?
The brethren are very warm when they speak to homosexual members. They tell us there is no sin in the feelings of “same sex attraction”. They also say that these inclinations should be controlled and subdued and never given in to. So in essence these feelings that are not sin are temptations.
What does this feel like to some one who only shares these feelings with the bishop and maybe a close family member as if it is a confession of a serious sin? How does it feel when these feelings are always there?
In fact my wife shared with me the more she felt the spirit the stronger these feeling were.
How does this member feel like part of the ward much less a child of God?
Pioneering
We in the church have a resonance with the symbolism of pioneers. I have ancestors who crossed the plains. I recently had a friend make an interesting comparison. His comparison started with blacks in the church. For a long time there were many racially bigoted members of the church. Many of whom used the church position concerning blacks and the priesthood as an excuse to hold on to their bigotry. In fact, I remember as a child being taught “doctrines” that explained this position. These ranged from blacks have descended from Cain and have his curse to blacks sat on the fence in the pre-mortal life. As I grew older I learned that these had been all taught by general authorities even in conference. I later found that these “doctrines” came straight from the play book of the KKK. This friend said that any black member of the church particularly before 1978 was a pioneer, and that homosexual members are pioneers as well.
The first part of his comparison I believe is true. I think a pioneer is someone that goes first and blazes a trail so that others see which way to go. I think as black members attended church white members not only got to know them, but also saw they were black. It is easy to be bigoted when you have never met any one different than yourself. When you get to know a black man as your brother it is harder to treat him with disdain. Therefore that the presence of a black person in church would break down boundaries and mark the trail works.
The second part of my friend’s comparison, I believe, does not work. If the church asks homosexual members not to be public about their orientation and they continue to sit in wards unknown to their ward brothers and sisters, what barriers can be challenged, what change can be made, how is the trail marked?
How can we affect change? I believe this is a question of great importance. The brethren tell us they are called bigoted and homophobic because of their stance on homosexual behavior. They may be right, but I believe that this is not the reason that the institution is prejudiced. I believe the institution of the church is prejudiced for other reasons. One is how homosexual members can never feel secure with their ward family. I also believe that because of this secrecy the potential for a member to enter into an abusive relationship without understanding the risks is great. Without openness about homosexuality many members enter heterosexual marriages like my wife, not understanding that their sexual orientation will hinder, even cripple, their ability to make a sexual relationship work. They then will spend years feeling guilty for not feeling what they cannot feel. Others feel ashamed to admit to themselves or their spouses that they have feelings when they feel condemned by those feelings. Still some straight spouses never understand when their gay spouse shares with them about their orientation. In these causes many straight spouses become abusive, or condemning.
Marriages like mine are no longer advocated by the church for a cure of homosexuality. This is great because they are not cures for homosexuality, and because they are abusive situations. Would any of us want our daughters to enter a sexual relationship with someone they had no sexual attraction for, is this not sexual abuse? How many young homosexuals asked to focus so much on our heterosexual roles never ask the question am I gay until they have been in an abusive relationship for more than 13 years?
We as a church institution and culture need to find out how we can change these things or we will continue as a people to be prejudiced.
A Good Name
“Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”
-Albus Dumbledore
In 1995 Elder Oaks explained that we should not use the words gay, lesbian, or homosexual to describe a person.
“We should note that the words homosexual, lesbian, and gay are adjectives to describe particular thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. We should refrain from using these words as nouns to identify particular conditions or specific persons. Our religious doctrine dictates this usage. It is wrong to use these words to denote a condition, because this implies that a person is consigned by birth to a circumstance in which he or she has no choice in respect to the critically important matter of sexual behavior.”
I take issue with his logic. If we are to take his logic at face value it would also say that since I am a heterosexual male therefore I have no choice but have sex with women. This I believe is preposterous. Yes, for some reason my body desires women. This does not imply that I have no choice in my behavior. It does imply that my desire for women is different than say my desire for chocolate or a Big Mac.
The same is true for those who are homosexual. Their desire for someone of the same sex is very different than desire for chocolate or a Big Mac. Sexual desire is something that does not go a way and it is biological in nature.
To use a word like same-sex attraction implies other things. First of all it is like calling a black person colored. It is not openly derogatory, but it is not equivalent to the term we use for the majority. Like black and white are equivalent terms. Homosexual and heterosexual are equivalent terms. To use a nonequivalent term such as same-sex attraction is not only diminutive in nature it implies pathology. We are saying there is something wrong with you. You are not as good. You have a problem we do not have. It also implies that your sexual desires are not as real as mine. It implies that homosexual desires are more like a desire for chocolate or a Big Mac and should be easy to live without. It dismisses the issue and relegates these feelings to a symptom of a problem like alcohol, gambling, or pornography is a symptom to the problem of addiction. In fact many have directly said homosexuality is an addiction and should be treated as such. The problem with calling it an addiction is in order to be addicted to something you need to have partaken of it. Homosexuals are attracted to people of the same sex long before they have had any sexual relations, just as I was attracted to women long before I had ever had any sexual relations with a woman.
Homosexuality or same-sex attraction is not like the temptations we have to lie, cheat, steel, or speed on the freeway. The feelings of homosexuality are substantially different than the temptations mentioned, and they are equivalent to heterosexual feelings.
To continually call these feeling “same-sex attraction” encourages heterosexuals to ignore this issue. We do not see that there are homosexual members in every unit of the church. They are not there, otherwise how could so many hurtful things be said in our ward meetings. Also, it creates fear of the homosexual. If we never use the word it becomes something to be afraid of, I believe Dumbledore’s words here implicitly. We do fear that which we are afraid to say. How do I hear the word homosexual at church or among my ward family? People talk about the homosexual agenda, or that homosexuals are destroying the family. These phrases are laced with fear of the other.
Not calling a spade a spade here perpetuates bigotry. It also I believe it is a way we can call good evil and evil good.
If we asked a random church member if homosexuals are good or bad, what do you think most would say?
Do we even consider that we could be sitting next to a homosexual member in Sunday school?
Do we consider the same homosexual member may be living the church teachings better than ourselves?
Why do homosexual members sit in fear and in pain in our wards?
Why do so many of our homosexual brothers and sisters attempt and commit suicide?
Might it have something to do with how we treat them?
Could it have something to do with the language we use that implies they are not there?
Upon This Rock I Shall Build My Church
“I do not feel obliged to believe that the same god who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”
- Galileo Galilei
“I am more afraid that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by him. I am fearful they settle down in a state of blind self-security, trusting their eternal destiny in the hands of their leaders with a reckless confidence that in itself would thwart the purposes of God in their salvation, and weaken that influence they could give to their leaders, did they know for themselves, by the revelations of Jesus, that they are led in the right way. Let every man and woman know, by the whispering of the Spirit of God to themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates, or not.”
-Brigham Young
My journey brought me to an exploration of our doctrine when sitting in church one Sunday our bishop read the following letter:
In March 2000 California voters overwhelmingly approved a state law providing that “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” The California Supreme Court recently reversed this vote of the people. On November 4, 2008, Californians will vote on a proposed amendment to the California state constitution that will now restore the March 2000 definition of marriage approved by the voters.
The Church’s teachings and position on this moral issue are unequivocal. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children. Children are entitled to be born within this bond of marriage.
A broad-based coalition of churches and other organizations placed the proposed amendment on the ballot. The Church will participate with this coalition in seeking its passage. Local Church leaders will provide information about how you may become involved in this important cause.
We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman. Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage.
This letter prompted lots of thought on my part. It further increased my wife’s feelings of alienation when she attended church.
I made it a matter of prayer and I felt an over whelming prompting to not only not to support prop. 8, but to fight against it. I wrote several letters and submitted them to the web site signingforsomething.org this was the first of four letters.
We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
When the church was under fire for practicing polygamy we used this article of faith to support our position, apparently believing that marriage was part of worshiping Almighty God.
We as a church teach that originally marriage started with Adam and Eve as a covenant between husband and wife and God. This commitment not only has to do with fidelity for time and eternity but living the Gospel as well. This ordinance is necessarily performed by one holding authority from God. Throughout the ages what has been called marriage has included more and more things. Plural wives, commitments of fidelity for time only, and commitments for time performed by individuals that practiced priest craft, commitments that had nothing to with God performed by a government representative, even arrangements that had nothing to do with sexual fidelity at all. Many of these at one time or another have been taught by the church as not as desirable as the original definition. We as a church have never tried to make it illegal for these marriages to be performed. Why do we single out this group of people to be not worthy of the privilege to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own conscience? Why are they unworthy to worship how, where, or what they may?
It is interesting to me the language of the letter read in many sacrament meetings.
“The Church’s teachings and position on this moral issue are unequivocal. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children. Children are entitled to be born within this bond of marriage.”
Yes marriage between a man and a woman is ordained by God. This does not say marriage between two people of the same sex should be beaten and killed legally. Also yes, the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children. Same sex marriage is forming families. Many strong stable families are in tact because same sex relationships have persisted long term. Many of these couples have raised good children, in fact just as many of these children are heterosexual as those raised by mixed sex couples. Lastly, if children are entitled to be born within this bond of marriage, then same sex marriage will allow many children that are currently being raised in same sex partnerships to be raised by married people.
I believe children being raised in a committed legally binding marriage relationship are more likely to seek monogamous relationships than those being raised by parents just living together.
I am an active member of the church. I have a testimony of the scriptures and of continuing revelation. I have had personal revelation that confirms these things to me. I also have asked God if I should support the letter read in my sacrament meeting. I have received my answer. I pray continually that the leaders of the church will receive a revelation concerning homosexuality. I read over and over what is published on the church web site concerning homosexuality. We are taught that the feelings of homosexuality are not sins. If this is true why do we seek to persecute those outside the church who have a different belief about behavior, particularly those seeking to promote committed legally binding monogamous relationships? Same-sex-marriage may not be the same as eternal temple marriage, but it is far preferable to promiscuity or even living in sin. I would say in many cases it is far preferable to the pain caused to those involved in heterosexual marriages when one partner is gay. This I believe is similar to the church’s position that marriage performed by some one in government or those practicing priest craft are not the same as eternal marriage performed in the temple, but they are far preferable to promiscuity or living in sin. Is this not why we do nothing to discourage these types of marriages much less try to make them illegal?
I have been told more than once that this is flirting with apostasy. A few people were much more direct and just said that I was an apostate. I disagree.
I believe we are a church based on revelation not on the leader. We disagree with the Catholics on the interpretation of Christ’s words “upon this rock I will build my church” The Catholics believe he was refereeing to the Man Peter “the Pope”. This has very distinct theological implications. This implies anything said or done by the current leader comes from God.
We interpret the Rock that Christ referred too as not the man but revelation. This implies that the leader has the authority to receive revelation and yes has a responsibility to make policy, but revelation and policy are two very distinct and different things. As we look throughout history the leaders of the church have said and done things that have been a result of culture not revelation. This does not make them any less of a prophet. It just means they are people too. We could list a plethora of examples here, but I will just point out a few. Abraham kept slaves and even slept with one. Paul said women should veil their faces and not speak in church. Brigham Young said “Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so.” I believe that these are all examples when prophets were speaking from their culture and not from revelation. The other thing I believe is that progress on any of these issues such as slavery, women’s rights, or civil rights would not have been made if people from within a culture did not speak out loudly and courageously.
I think if we look more specifically, the example of blacks being withheld temple blessings and the priesthood we can see some important things. In 1978 the brethren brought forth a revelation indicating that all worthy members could attend the temple and all worthy men could hold the priesthood. We know this was revelation because all the brethren reported it as such. Please note that although previously many general authorities had made very vocal statements about why black members where not to have the full blessings of the church not one said their explanation was revelation or even the policy itself was a revelation. This policy of the church was not clearly established in the scriptures or in revelation.
There are very few major issues in the church that we can not point to clear directives in the scriptures or a clear revelation to point the way, particularly when we look at behavioral requirements. In fact the only one I can think of is the church’s stand on homosexuality and gay marriage. Remember the rock is revelation not the brethren.
Most members that I talk with are not willing to even consider that homosexuality is part of God’s plan. They seem to be afraid that if this were true it would falsify the gospel. I first say the Lord will yet reveal many great and important things. We do not always comprehend the things of God. Also remember the words of Joseph Smith “Our Heavenly Father is more liberal in His views, and [more] boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive.” So please do not cast out this fruit with unbelief. Alma taught us how to know if it is a good seed.
First let us look to the scriptures. At one time I assumed that the Lord’s will was clearly established in the scriptures on the matter of homosexuality and by extension gay marriage, but let us look.
Let us point out that Christ never teaches against homosexuality. Also, Book of Mormon prophets, Doctrine and Covenants, or The Pearl of Great Price never teach against homosexuality. Homosexuality is not forbidden in the Ten Commandments.
The most famous place we look to condemn homosexuality is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. After all was not gay sex named after this place? I believe there are two very important points here. One, the story never tells us what the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah is. The text never even implies that the sin is homosexuality. We make this assumption because of the meaning our society has placed on the word sodomy. There is no implication at all that consensual adult homosexual sex was being practiced in this community. Second, what is talked about in this story is gang rape, and gang rape is very different than consenting sexual activity.
Outside of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah and references to it there are only two other sources that condemn homosexuality. The two places in all of the scriptures that actually preach against homosexuality are the writings of Paul and the Book of Leviticus.
Leviticus actually calls homosexuality an abomination. This sounds pretty harsh. It is important to note that all other references to abominations are ceremonial performances not moral sin such as pork and shell fish. When I read the Book of Leviticus, outside of a few times one of the Ten Commandments is quoted, the only thing I see that we accept as doctrine today is the condemnation of homosexuality.
Paul also condemned homosexuality. He actually taught that if we did not have enough faith in Christ we would be plagued with homosexuality. This seems to contradict with “the feelings of homosexuality are not sin” which is what the brethren teach today. It seems Paul’s teachings on sexuality in general are also in direct opposition to the brethrens’ teaching of today. Paul taught that you serve the Lord better if you remain celibate. He also taught that the only reason for marriage is if you were unable to control you sexual impulses. It seems that today we are taught that marriage helps you serve the Lord better, given that you are required to be married to serve as a bishop or any leadership calling higher. Also, rather than the only reason to marry is if you can’t control your sexual desire, we are taught marriage is essential to exaltation. Given that the brethren disagree with Paul on our core beliefs on sexuality, why would we choose to use him to support our position? The brethren rarely do. The brethren almost exclusively quote the Proclamation.
Seeing that there is no clear support in the scriptures for our position on homosexuality the second place to look is modern revelation. Like I pointed out before what the brethren typically quote is the Proclamation. It seems that there must be some difference with the Proclamation than say declaration 2 because the brethren never call the proclamation a revelation.
President Packer at the world wide training on the family did say the Proclamation was the best source to look to about homosexuality. So our best source is not the scriptures, it is not a revelation; it is the Proclamation on the Family.
So let us look at what the proclamation says about homosexuality and gay marriage.
The first line reads:
We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God is repeated several more times. We can infer that this is important. Note that it never says that any other type of marriage is condemned by God. Do we assume that whatever families that are not specifically mentioned as ordained that we should hunt and kill? Do we work to make it illegal for single parents to raise children?
The next line from the Proclamation we see used to defend the church’s position on homosexuality is this:
Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
I ask what this says about homosexuality. Gender is how masculine or feminine you are. Gender is not something directly affected by orientation. There are very masculine men that are gay and very feminine men that are straight. This may say something about Trans-gendered individuals, but what? Does it say that if your eternal spiritual gender conflicts with your physical gender you should change the physical to match the eternal?
Also similar to the first line:
We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
So where does God “commanded that the powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman….” I do believe the brethren believe that God implied this some how, but unless this here is the Lord’s words himself I am unaware where he Commands this.
Again very similar to the first line:
Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.
And again stating that this is essential to his plan does not speak to anything else being eliminated or not part of his plan.
I find this line very interesting:
Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
In European countries that had seen for many years a decline of traditional marriage and a rising rate of divorce found both these statistics turn around once gay marriage was legalized. Therefore we see indications that gay marriage itself can have a positive effect on all families’ even traditional families.
Similarly I believe the last line of the proclamation calls us to protect all families and in no way justifies attacking one type of family:
We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.
As we see given that the proclamation is the best source to teach us about homosexuality and gay marriage it really does not teach us that that homosexuality is wrong or justifies attacking gay marriage.
On my journey I discovered that these policies that the brethren are defending concerning homosexuality and gay marriage are not scriptural or given in revelation, but rather they are culturally based like slavery, misogyny, and racial bigotry. Also like slavery, misogyny, and racial bigotry unless we in the culture figure out how to stand up, speak out, and change what is wrong they will continue even among the Lords chosen leaders.
Wickedness Never Was Happiness
“I give you a strong caution. Be wary of the word tolerance…. we are not required to tolerate anything that leads to unhappiness…. Tolerance is often demanded but seldom returned. Beware of tolerance. It is a very unstable virtue.”
-Boyd K. Packer
Many members of the church are familiar with the story of Stewart Mathis. Stewart’s story has been told in many places one being the book “In Quiet Desperation.” Stewart was an active member of the church in CA. Stewart was gay. He lived the gospel. He was living a celibate life. He struggled to continue his activity in the church because of the pain church activity caused because he was gay. He never gave up his membership or his activity. He shot himself on the steps of his stake center. Stewart’s story is a very painful one. Unfortunately, Stewart’s experience is not unique. Over the last few years I have met quite a few gay members of the church. I also have read many experiences of gay members of the church. The book “No More Goodbyes” by Carol Lynn Pearson is a beautiful book that shares many of these stories.
Every homosexual member I have met that is working to get rid of this part of them has Stewart Mathis’s pain in common. These people struggle with self-hatred everyday. They typically share that they have struggles with suicide. In fact three times more gay men in the church commit suicide than straight men. I believe this statistic is probably not telling the whole story. This is talking about self-reporting gay men. How many of those being counted as straight just never reported they were gay.
I have also met many homosexuals that have left the church and are now in same sex relationships. In my experience when I speak with these people they talk about having the same struggles with misery when they were in the church. Yet, they radiate joy when I talk to them. They have all struck me now as very happy people.
I have always been taught that living the gospel brings happiness in this life and eternal life in the life to come. I can not believe that God would require his children to exchange happiness in order to experience misery in this life to gain eternal life.
What about living in the church causes this misery for our homosexual members? I think some of it has to do with what I have already referred to. Sitting in wards afraid that your brothers and sisters around you will find out who you really are, must exact a huge price. Also, constantly having a “core characteristic” as Elder Wickman describes gender-orientation, continually referred to as pathology or a malignancy of character by calling it same-sex-attraction. This also must exact a huge price. I believe that when the church seems to ignore the homophobia within the church, and then devotes an unbelievable amount of time and energy mobilizing our members to donate millions of dollars to make it illegal for nonmember homosexuals to call their monogamist relationships marriage, it must send an almost undeniable message to the heart of every homosexual member. In Stewart Mathis’s case the churches fight for Prop. 22 in CA was the last straw before he shot himself.
I do believe that all of these things are huge factors, but I believe the true source can be found directly in a doctrine that when examined is contradictory. The church’s doctrine seems to have come a long why. It was only in the 1970’s when our leaders were saying homosexuality was a choice and that it was chosen because of sin. In the 1980 we heard things like homosexuality can be cured by treating selfishness. In the 1990’s we started hearing that the feelings of homosexuality are not sin. Just recently in the Oaks/Wickman interview published on lds.org. Elder Oak’s acknowledged that we do not know why someone is gay.
To say that the feelings of homosexuality are not sin seems like a world of difference from homosexuals are all sinful. What does it really mean? We are taught that the feelings of homosexuality are not sin. We are also taught that those same feelings are all temptations that should be resisted at all cost, and never be given in to. We are taught those feelings are completely out of harmony with God’s plan. We are taught that only through heterosexual marriage can we receive the highest degree of glory. We are taught that homosexual members should treat these feelings as if they are serious sin, and only share them with a bishop and maybe a close family member. We are taught that homosexual members should not spend much time with or have close relationships with people of the same sex. We are taught that homosexual members should not associate with those who talk openly about homosexuality. We are taught that homosexual member can only be exalted by pretending to be heterosexual and some day in this life or the next to become heterosexual. When these feelings never go away; when these feelings come from the body that God gave you; when these feelings are apply described as core characteristic by Elder Wickman; what are our gay brothers and sisters going to feel. How can they not eventually feel that the church’s current policy may sound more loving, but in essence it is no different than just to say if you are gay you are going to hell? I believe that regardless of the loving comments of the brethren it is this façade that is the root of the misery of our homosexual brothers and sisters. I believe that there is not a homosexual person alive that can get up day after day believing this doctrine and not eventually struggle with self-hatred. This is not God’s plan because God does love his children, all of his children. So it is really our theology that is not only at the root of the pain homosexual members feel, but also at the root of all the cultural and institutional bigotry I have discussed.
When my wife shared with me she was gay I saw a seed planted in my life. As my wife and I have learned how to honor and accept ourselves and each other many things changed in our home and in our hearts. Now that we are divorced that seed has become the best thing in our home. Because we now can fully love ourselves, what neither of us could do before, the spirit is stronger in our home and our hearts. Because we can fully love ourselves we are better friends than ever before. Because we can fully love ourselves we are better parents than we have ever been. Because we can fully love ourselves our children are happier than ever before. Our children get along better with each other and have better friendships than they ever had. Our children are now doing better in school than they ever have. Now we are divorced our family in every way I can think of is closer, happier, and more spiritual. I believe that planting this good seed and refusing to tolerate all the things that lead to unhappiness in our lives has made all the difference.
One of Mother Nature’s great works can be found on the Iguazu River creating the natural frontier between Argentina and Brazil. Discovering the site of 275 waterfalls—dropping over eight-two metres—it soon becomes apparent to any observer that the Iguazu Falls must be one of the great wonders of the world. Set in a spectacular National Park of sub-tropical rain forest, these cascading falls are complemented by natural flora, fauna, wildlife, and a colorful array of butterflies.
The falls are strung out along the rim of a crescent-shaped cliff about 2.5 miles long dropping into the gorge below. But perhaps the most impressive distinction for this majestic tourist attraction is the fact that it remains undeveloped and unspoiled by commercialism. There are no revolving restaurants atop concrete towers, or souvenir shopping malls, or wax museums, and nowhere to satisfy a Big-Mac attack. These wondrous sights can be witnessed close-up, in their natural environment, either from a Zodiac dinghy—with a refreshingly cool drenching—on the Iguazu River, or the miles of hiking trails and wooden catwalks.
On the Argentine side of the Falls the town of Puerto Iguazu is about ten miles from the site with regular bus service or taxis to the National Park entrance. In Brazil the city of Foz do Iguaçu is the town closest to the Falls and offers many amenities including the region’s only gay-friendly bar named Space Night Club. Both towns offer a wide variety of accommodations, restaurants, cafes, bars, and shopping boutiques plus local crafts markets.
However, in Puerto Iguazu there are two extremely gay-friendly hotels which are also members of the International Gay & Lesbian Travel Association (IGLTA). Recently I had the opportunity to spend a few days at each property and I soon realized they have already been discovered by many gay tourists! While I toured the region I found myself mesmerized by the magic and romance of the Falls clearly understanding its new found popularity as a gay vacation destination for anniversaries, romantic escapes, family vacations, and much more. One fact is for certain—this region is deserving of much more than just a quick day trip to see the falls.
The Panoramic Hotel is located on a hill overlooking the confluence of the Iguazu and Parana Rivers where the incomparable vista includes the three frontiers of Paraguay, Brazil, and Argentina. It is the only five-star boutique hotel in the area and is just a short five minute walk into the town of Puerto Iguazu. Built in the 1940s it has been an icon in the town’s history and after closing in the 1980s it re-opened in 2007 after extensive renovations which have preserved the original character. The property is set amidst tropical gardens and includes restaurants, bars, cafes, and all amenities plus an extremely large swimming pool and solarium with a spectacular view—especially at sunset—and bar service. The rooms with stylish décor are spacious and comfortable with all the necessary accoutrements. The business center, TV Lounge, spa, and casino (currency in pesos) complete the perfect amenities for any vacation.
For those looking for a different experience the Iguazu Grand Resort Spa and Casino is located on the edge of town close to the Brazil border crossing. Here you can enjoy distinguished architectural style, exclusive décor, which includes authentic paintings by renowned artists. Plus three bars, two fine-dining restaurants, live stage shows in Cafe Magic, and one of the most sophisticated casinos (currency US Dollars) in Latin America for a guaranteed unforgettable visit. This is a twenty-one acre property with seventeen acres dedicated to lush gardens, waterfalls, three outdoor swimming pools, tennis courts, a spa (with indoor swimming pool), gymnasium, and family-friendly supervised Playland. The talented Executive Chef even has his own spice and vegetable garden to ensure his exquisite culinary creations are fresh and complete with local flavors. The rooms are extremely large and proffer every imaginable luxury including jetted tubs and large shower stalls for two. This is truly a resort worthy of any gay vacation for adults or the entire family.
Many tours and excursions are available in the region with the gay-friendly Aguas Grandes tour company. They can arrange adventure tours, canopy tours, Parques Nacionales excursions, or customize your own outdoor adventure. Or you can also contact IGLTA member Brazil Ecojourneys who have a great deal of experience at Iguazu Falls for group and individual tours to the region.
The year-round tropical climate provides hot days with the occasional cooling thunderstorm— usually at night—making this an ideal destination at any time of year.
During my visit I met a lesbian couple from Paris, a retired gay man from San Francisco, a young twenty-something same-sex couple from New York city, and a gay married couple from Canada with their two young children. These travelers clearly demonstrate how the discerning LGBT traveler has already discovered this natural wonderland.
Perhaps Eleanor Roosevelt said it best upon her first visit to the Iguazu Falls when she exclaimed “ Oh, Poor Niagara!”.
If you are planning a South American vacation be sure to do some research on this popular and gay-friendly option for a memorable experience.
For more information visit: http://www.aguasgrandes.com/, http://www.iguazugrand.com/, http://www.panoramic-hoteliguazu.com/, or http://www.brazilecojourneys.com/
For more travel stories by Roy Heale visit: http://www.royheale.blogspot.com/
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Sorry, I am digressing. And, no that did not happen to me. But what I am getting at is when so much information is a click away – Being Queer feels communal. Not easier. Just more OK.
Apart from this, there is plenty – Coming out stories, advice, video clips of two women kissing (OMG. They actually do that?) , I like this one by the Beaver Bunch’s Michelle with her mom about Coming Out. Plenty Plenty Plenty. But YouTube is pretty darn new. Well before that, After Ellen ( or AfterElton for you gentlemen) came onto the scene – the After Ellen we see now is very different from the one at the very beginning but it was enough. It has literally transformed from scraps of information that were put together by Sarah Warn and folks to the lesb-o-rama/deluge of media it offers these days. Quite something! Oooook, but what about before 2002? Well before 2002, from the mid 90’s there was Amazon by which I mean there were books ( For any young ones, its a thing you hold in your hand and flip after which a new page emerges on the other side ). One book I would recommend is Beyond Acceptance. Sure its a little depressing in the end and does focus on one religion when it speaks about religion which may not apply to a lot of us, but 3/4ths of the book is worth having or better yet, worth giving.
started in 1996. Technically, long before that…even as young as 9. I always thought there was something different. As a kid I didn’t have tons of friends and I was a tom-boy. I use to like to go outside without a shirt like my guy friends until I was about 6-7 and my Mom put a stop to that. In high school I developed feelings for a female student teacher. I thought for sure I was a pervert.